No wonder how strong a person is, Love tests the truth in one's patience and tolerance. I've been through this but I was....
Falling in love, Falling in Love,
Falling in Love, All over again.
Is she the one?, for her, I am the one?
These questions I ask, All over again
I like the smile, I like the laugh,
Is what I feel, all over again.
Heart says yes, Mind says no,
What should I do? Oh not again,
I want to tell, and her to know
What do I feel, all over again
---
It was a pretty awesome situation and even more awful. Awesome it was because of the feeling, awful because I couldn't share it with anyone. I remember one of the song from one of her favourite movie(I guess).
Nigaahon mein dekho meri jo hain bas gaya,
Woh hai milta tumse hu ba hu,
Jaane teri aankhein thi ya, baatien thi wajah,
Hue tum jo dil ki aarzo,
Tum paas hoke bhi, tum aas hoke bhi,
Ehsaas hokey bhi, apne nahi aise hai
Humko gile, tum se na jaane kyun
After that conversation, it was pretty much obvious that things were going to change. Although it was quite uncertain, I was clear about what I was going through. I had no regret, no feeling of guilt. It was an original feeling. I felt like a Phoenix, that rises from the ashes. Well, there were no ashes, and I was no Phoenix, but I was rejuvenating. All I can say that it was so beautiful. We met couple of times after that, but she was not aware about what I going through. Even a single glance made me feel on top of the world. Why not?
There were no reasons when I realized my feelings. But, now my eyes were looking for one, and I found many. It's like you have found a treasure and now you evaluate why is it so valuable. I was yet not able to find the answers to my questions, but I definitely knew that She is the only answer to my questions.
---
As the days went by, the feeling got even more stronger. Stronger to the height that it was impossible to return. But who wanted to return? All I wanted was to get to the peak. I was only half the way towards the peak. Yes, she was yet to know what I was feeling. I chose not to tell her anything. I had a fear of loosing a friend. Infact, I had made a girl as a friend after a very long time. I've seen situations like this around me, when things become complicated just because a girl/boy reveals the feeling to the special one. But it was not helping me. Help is what I needed. After all how good is it if you don't tell someone that you love him/her? Well, it is very good untill your assumptions break. My assumption was limited to my thoughts. Everytime you need a kick or a hit on your head to realize. A moment of truth again.
I learnt she was moving away forever. Away from the friends, people, ME. Abhi to kahani shuru bhi nahi hui thi aur khatam bhi ho gai. Now what? What should I do? I couldn't tell about her to anyone, not even to my closest buddies. Whole day was like a year to me. I never wanted it to be the last day where I could think of her. I was very well convinced that she never had any other thoughts about me. But still, naa zor dil pe chale....
I picked up my cell and dialled her number
"Hey... kya haal chaal?
"Arey ekdam maza... Tu bata kya chal raha hai?"
"Umm.. thik hi chal raha hai...but.. a..ea" I stuttered.
"Well kya baat hai? Kem atke chhe atlo badho?"
"You know I was framing words for what I wanted to tell you?"
"Tujhe kabse sentences frame karne ki zaroorat padne lagi hai, Non-stop baat karte waqt framing kaha jaata hai tera...ha ha ha.. but bol naaa... kya hua?" that "bolnaaaaa"... is a typical way of her to emphasise. I could sense her anxiety, her restlessness and her irritation.
"Aa its like, you know,... I was kind of having different feelings for you....
"What? kya feelings? Saaf saaf bolnaa...!
"I mean, wohi special kind of feeling, not the regular kind of you know?"
"No I don't know.. Wait... Tu mazaak to nahi kar raha hai na?"
"Nahi yaar... mein zara bhi mazaak nahi kar raha"
"Are you serious?" God damn I was so serious
"Ok.. Lets do one thing... why don't we meet up? I'd want to say this when you are in front of me?"
There I said it... I had the gut feeling that I would ask her to meet me. And guess what I did it... Yes...Yess...
"But do you think it would make a difference if we meet.. I mean.. you know.."
"See I am not worried about the out come.. But I would not want to regret my whole life not telling you what I feel about you.... so...
"Ok ok....
"Suggest a place if you know one(God what a fool I was to ask her to meet at the place of her choice, wherein I was the one who invited her).. maybe some coffee shop..
"Ah okkay...(that's the typical way she says OK...huh!)
And we decided to meet at a place which we both knew...
Falling in love, Falling in Love,
Falling in Love, All over again.
Is she the one?, for her, I am the one?
These questions I ask, All over again
I like the smile, I like the laugh,
Is what I feel, all over again.
Heart says yes, Mind says no,
What should I do? Oh not again,
I want to tell, and her to know
What do I feel, all over again
---
It was a pretty awesome situation and even more awful. Awesome it was because of the feeling, awful because I couldn't share it with anyone. I remember one of the song from one of her favourite movie(I guess).
Nigaahon mein dekho meri jo hain bas gaya,
Woh hai milta tumse hu ba hu,
Jaane teri aankhein thi ya, baatien thi wajah,
Hue tum jo dil ki aarzo,
Tum paas hoke bhi, tum aas hoke bhi,
Ehsaas hokey bhi, apne nahi aise hai
Humko gile, tum se na jaane kyun
After that conversation, it was pretty much obvious that things were going to change. Although it was quite uncertain, I was clear about what I was going through. I had no regret, no feeling of guilt. It was an original feeling. I felt like a Phoenix, that rises from the ashes. Well, there were no ashes, and I was no Phoenix, but I was rejuvenating. All I can say that it was so beautiful. We met couple of times after that, but she was not aware about what I going through. Even a single glance made me feel on top of the world. Why not?
There were no reasons when I realized my feelings. But, now my eyes were looking for one, and I found many. It's like you have found a treasure and now you evaluate why is it so valuable. I was yet not able to find the answers to my questions, but I definitely knew that She is the only answer to my questions.
---
As the days went by, the feeling got even more stronger. Stronger to the height that it was impossible to return. But who wanted to return? All I wanted was to get to the peak. I was only half the way towards the peak. Yes, she was yet to know what I was feeling. I chose not to tell her anything. I had a fear of loosing a friend. Infact, I had made a girl as a friend after a very long time. I've seen situations like this around me, when things become complicated just because a girl/boy reveals the feeling to the special one. But it was not helping me. Help is what I needed. After all how good is it if you don't tell someone that you love him/her? Well, it is very good untill your assumptions break. My assumption was limited to my thoughts. Everytime you need a kick or a hit on your head to realize. A moment of truth again.
I learnt she was moving away forever. Away from the friends, people, ME. Abhi to kahani shuru bhi nahi hui thi aur khatam bhi ho gai. Now what? What should I do? I couldn't tell about her to anyone, not even to my closest buddies. Whole day was like a year to me. I never wanted it to be the last day where I could think of her. I was very well convinced that she never had any other thoughts about me. But still, naa zor dil pe chale....
I picked up my cell and dialled her number
"Hey... kya haal chaal?
"Arey ekdam maza... Tu bata kya chal raha hai?"
"Umm.. thik hi chal raha hai...but.. a..ea" I stuttered.
"Well kya baat hai? Kem atke chhe atlo badho?"
"You know I was framing words for what I wanted to tell you?"
"Tujhe kabse sentences frame karne ki zaroorat padne lagi hai, Non-stop baat karte waqt framing kaha jaata hai tera...ha ha ha.. but bol naaa... kya hua?" that "bolnaaaaa"... is a typical way of her to emphasise. I could sense her anxiety, her restlessness and her irritation.
"Aa its like, you know,... I was kind of having different feelings for you....
"What? kya feelings? Saaf saaf bolnaa...!
"I mean, wohi special kind of feeling, not the regular kind of you know?"
"No I don't know.. Wait... Tu mazaak to nahi kar raha hai na?"
"Nahi yaar... mein zara bhi mazaak nahi kar raha"
"Are you serious?" God damn I was so serious
"Ok.. Lets do one thing... why don't we meet up? I'd want to say this when you are in front of me?"
There I said it... I had the gut feeling that I would ask her to meet me. And guess what I did it... Yes...Yess...
"But do you think it would make a difference if we meet.. I mean.. you know.."
"See I am not worried about the out come.. But I would not want to regret my whole life not telling you what I feel about you.... so...
"Ok ok....
"Suggest a place if you know one(God what a fool I was to ask her to meet at the place of her choice, wherein I was the one who invited her).. maybe some coffee shop..
"Ah okkay...(that's the typical way she says OK...huh!)
And we decided to meet at a place which we both knew...