Happenings - Here & Here

Its time since I've left smoking, I am able to breathe fresh air. The smell of the wet soil, the aroma of the fresh sauté: garlic and ginger,  the flower scents of the trees nearby, the tang of recently stirred soup and much more. Everything revivifies the senses with a new stream.

The rains have started to pour down. Refreshes the mind, body and soul. Mere sight of people eating dalwada and sipping tea makes me feel like doing the same. Almost every area around the roads is now colored in green which was quite dusty few days back. The heat is gone and the mercury is showing a pleasant mark. Friends are partying out with friends and friends of friends.

Feels nice. Extremely heavenly. And when heaven is on earth, one would like to capture it for lifetime. No better tool than a camera can do that. Clicking the pictures in this watery and windy light, gives jitter and the spine rocks out. Phew! wonderful. The Sun too might be waiting long for this earth's beautiful makeup.

Have been talking lately to the few old friends. All of them are doing good. One of my friend started with his new job and he seems to be doing fantastic. Another one is trying to run on the tracks that he has laid down for himself. What else, dharmesh, got a new pulsar 220... STEED as one can call it. Runs fast, very fast, very very fast, but he never takes risk. He has posted some pics on the web, in case anyone want's to talk a look. Arey Dharmesh, apne uspe ek film banayenge. Ha ha ha !

Filming se yaad aaya. I've got three back to back classes in the film making workshop next week. The workshop is undertaken by Mr. Pankaj Roy and Ms. Nandi Gargi. They seem like excellent faculties. They have immense knowledge of the industry and the depts. involved. Who wouldn't want to learn from such people. For me, it is a recycled experience. I do know the basics, but this time the perspective have changed... Click! Rolling....

Besides, things are excellent at home. Sister is waiting for another gift for the upcoming Rakshabandhan. Dad is hell bent of scanning the old pictures. Ah, did I mention we just bought a new PCS (HP). Works great. And my mom, she too finished with an acting workshop with Aarti Patel (Akshar Communications) and is happy looking around for and ideal soul-mate for me. Ha ha ha ...These moms are same all over the world. Well what to say Mom, I've already chosen a soul-mate, just not able to find the right words.

The question is ... HOW?

Way back into Love...

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past

I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need them again someday

I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction

And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again

You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Putting away the SMOKE!

Few days ago... had nothing to do...was getting bored... thought to take a break...went downstairs.. asked for a cigg...smoked it through...  puffed it thoroughly... had a mouth freshener...came back up..went to the basin... sanitized my hands... went back to my desk.... repeated this for 3 times more that day.....

Next day woke up early... felt like a heavy chest... never experienced it before.... could not judge why it happened...tried to breathe extensively... couldn't manage it....thought to sit up straight... was feeling more vulnerable... chest was getting heavier.... somehow managed to get up... felt like a vacuum inside... air was not getting filtered...tried to breathe even harder...the pain was getting severe... mind went blank... thoughts were gone... nothing on my mind... felt like an end...

I started to ponder...was this permanent... was it temporary... what could be the reason... is it my habit... might be one of the reason...got ready for office... took along the pain... although not hard... the chest was still in shock... so was my mind... saw people at the stall... few of them smoking... others sipping tea... first time in my life... didn't bother to look there more... started hating the smoke... the mere smell of it...went upstairs to the office... sat on my desk... i had eluded the craving...was too early to tell... colleagues came by...asked me for a fag...i denied to join... i was surprised and so were others.... but i did what i said... i didn't join them...

Next day was lighter... although with the pain... severity was gone... could get up easily... took a deep breath... it was fresh than before...came to office... evaded the smoke yet again... was feeling confident about it...went back home with more conviction....next day was holiday... was at home... managed to stay at home... this time without the thought of smoke...

With the new week starting... have decided to avoid the circumstances... the one which may lead to that habit... the heavy chest was indication... i should have stopped it long ago... i want to live... i want to enjoy... i want to be with people i know... for a long long time... smoke would make me weak... would make me vulnerable... would keep me away from the dear ones i have...would keep me away from the beauty of life...

This uninvited experience... made me see... death on my chest.... and if i say...death like this is no beauty...

I'll ask you to be the one - you can choose not to be

Have you ever thought of having a companion? I am sure you would have thought of it. Companion, is a very cheezy word. It is a relative term. For some, companion means a friend, buddy or someone who's there with you during the walk of life.

I am no different from them. Right from childhood, I have been fond of people around me. I might not have told this to people around me,  but it is a fact. Some companions who come in the form of friends remain with you no matter what. You expect a lot from them and so do they, being entirely selfless. From some you expect nothing but still, sticking around with them doesn't do any harm.

And then, there are third kind of people u see, meet and feel strongly about. No blood relations involved, no friendship involved. At least not on the initial stage. But still, u feel that the person I just saw/met is the one, with whom I can spend my entire life. How does this feeling come, why does it come? We just can't judge it, can we?

 I've felt a situation, which is quite familiar to me, but not the way it is now. Companion, yes.

Our likes not alike, but dislikes are alike.

Our thoughts are alike, but words not alike.

I feel it strong, I feel is straight,

I'll ask you to be the one,

you can choose not to be

Your locks are not the same I longed,

But your pearls are the one I dream off and on,

Your eyes are black, though I wanted blue,

Your smile that again, keeps me glued, 

I'll ask you to be the one,

you can choose not to be.

The smile, once unknown to me,
The laugh, quite new to me,
Your eyes that shyly drop,
Is all that I'd want to see
I'll ask you to be the one,
you can choose not to be

I'll ask you once, and if needed twice,
I'll ask you till my heart would suffice,
I assure, the life would be fun
I'll ask you to be the one, and I wish,
you do not choose not to be...

A purpose I found!

8 Ball Quick Fire Pool - Its a game of pool with a time limit in which a set of 14 balls are to be potted. Extra time is added on every pot. Game is over when the time is over. I tried my hand on this game today. Its quite an addictive game. Not suitable for those who want to play during office hours. Trying this game few more times, I reached the score of 2600. The time was ticking backwards and only 18 seconds were remaining. I knew the rules. Time khatam, game khatam. I started hitting the ball as fast as I can. Was it the right way to play? The answer was no. You would say aim every ball and then hit it. But where was the time? If all the balls were potted, a new cycle of 14 balls would start and that also meant that remaining time would be subject to the number of balls potted considering 9 secs per ball.There was no certainty and out of 9, only 2 went into the hole. 5 secs were remaining and a thought crossed my mind, what was the objective of the game? Was it to pot all the balls or was it to add to the time that was ticking?

My mind paused for a second when I paused the game. It was thinking the lines that were quite out of my mind for some time. What is my goal in life? Why am doing the things that I am doing? What is the reason that I want certain things to happen? Why can't I do certain things when I know I can? Why am I unable to let someone know how much I love and care about them? There were so many Whys and Is in my thoughts. Feelings were quite mixed up. Thoughts were from every situation of my life that I had faced till date.

Suddenly, I received a SMS from my uncle.
It read: "Life is like a race between Cat & Rat. Rat mostly wins, bcoz Cat runs 4 food & Rat runs for life. Remember, "Purpose is more important than need.""

And then everything started to make sense. What was the purpose of my life? I had never asked this question to myself. I am working for an industry which I never knew existed. I am at a designation which I thought only someone else can reach. I always thought of friends with whom I can share my bit. Instead I have people around me who understand everything without me telling them anything. I thought my parents would never change their opinion of me being a good for nothing. Instead, they are proud with what I have achieved. I could never study what I wanted, instead was educated on the things that are helping me now.

Through all these thoughts I felt, I just need to stick to the things I have. I can create N number of needs which I may or may not be able to fulfill. But I need to understand a purpose behind creating that need. And yes, I've started understanding that one can just thrive to plan for things and work towards its execution, however should also be ready for an alternate outcome. I've lived by that principle and it is treating me good with lot of surprises, amazement and sometimes flashy experiences. But all in a good sense, I've found a purpose of life and that is to laugh over what has gone by, a slight speculation about future, and to live in the moment as and when it comes. It gets easier.