Few months back I had a conversation with one of my friend...
"Hi"
"Hello, kya chal raha hai?" I got the reply
"Arey I heard that you moved around the city for some tattooing or something?"
"No no, I was searching for something else. So you getting tattoo and all, ah?"
"Ha ha.. yea I was planning to..."
"Good Yaar. You seem to be living your dream eh! Making films, travelling, getting a tattoo, cool chhe!"
"Ha ha true...very true. So do you know any tattoo parlor in the city?"
"Umm..." and the story continued...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was wondering whether my interest in whatever I am doing will last for life time. I was doing quite a few things that interested me the most. I love to create, rather than follow on what already exists. After all, there's no fun in doing whatever someone has already done it before. You can just improvise, but the credits would still remain in the name of the person who did it first. By saying so it doesn't mean that I am someone who is hunting for credits, but the sense of ownership comes with the things that belong to you. Some of you might disagree. As if I care.
That conversation made me realize I was doing something unusual. Unusual, yes, very unusual. How many people do you find following their dreams. And then, how many people your find living their dream. They talk about the American Dream. What is American Dream? I might not have made my presence felt on AIR. I might not have traveled every nook and corner of this world. I might not have photographed every stone on this earth. But yes, I am very much clear now what I want from my life. I am very much sure what I would do with my life. If not now, maybe later. But definitely YES. I'd do what I want to do. And what do I want to do?
FILMs is all I can think about every moment of my life. Writing a story, making a script on it. Arranging for the properties required to shoot. Conversing with the fellow film makers to enhance the screenplay. Shooting the films for which I have been craving hard. Screening them just for the audience to watch. Following up on the critics and utilizing them constructively.
And yes, photographing the emotions and the moments is a part of what I call it as a dream. That is coming true day by day. Tattoing... of course is on the list... very soon guys very soon...
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
If only I would have been there...
You would have heard,What I wanted to say
You would have known,What I wanted today
You would have seen, What I wanted you to
You would have been, Where I wanted you to
You would have felt, What I felt in my heart
You would have welt, Which I have on my heart
If only you would have stayed with me......
If only you would have stayed with me......
I would have said, What you wanted to hear
I would have told, What you wanted to know
I would have shown, What you wanted to see
I want you to go, Where you want to be
I would have felt, What you felt in your heart
I would have dealt, Not to be apart
If only I would have been there...
If only I would have been there...
You would have known,What I wanted today
You would have seen, What I wanted you to
You would have been, Where I wanted you to
You would have felt, What I felt in my heart
You would have welt, Which I have on my heart
If only you would have stayed with me......
If only you would have stayed with me......
I would have said, What you wanted to hear
I would have told, What you wanted to know
I would have shown, What you wanted to see
I want you to go, Where you want to be
I would have felt, What you felt in your heart
I would have dealt, Not to be apart
If only I would have been there...
If only I would have been there...
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Altered - Native
Today as I write this down, my heart is sinking for some unknown reason. Never felt it before, but a grudge, a silence, a stupid notion, an ambiguity, an uncertainty, an unexpected chill is running through the spine. My eyes have started brimming up and the heart beats have gone heavy enough to realize something unusual has happened or is about to happen. I just don't know What.
My thoughts are crucifying my feelings at every instance. I am yet to understand why such irregular behavior has got into me. Usually, I've been a person who loves to speak, loves to listen. I've never been in a situation where I am unable to find someone to speak with. Somehow, the listeners for me are no more around, or maybe, I am unable to see them. It must be due to the translucent view that I have against my eyes. Don't know Why.
There are good news and bad news and then there are news that are hard to judge, GOOD or BAD. Well good news generally lightens up the environment. But in my case I am not even moved or doesn't even feel like tapping a feet even once. Dilemma and Desperation, is something I am unable to justify. For the first time in my life I feel like I am at a cross road which has no exit. No direction, no indication. Intuitions are also not helping. Feel like getting out of this. I wonder When.
I've started blaming others for something or the other and sometimes with no evident reason. I have started refraining from others for an instance or the other. Does one person change the way you think, the way you behave? I've learnt things the way they came. Relationships was my forte. But now things are quite the opposite. Once full of fun have now nowhere to run. I was never like this. I suspect someone behind this. Need to find out Who.
It's true that things do not happen the way we want. And then things happen the way we don't even expect them to. Waving a simple Hi has become more tedious than fixing a shoe lace. Doing something for the sake of doing it has become a style of working. Neglecting an important person has become a wonderful obsession. Rude jesting is the new code of conduct. Apprehension has become the act of dignity. It's time I should change. Just don't know How.
My thoughts are crucifying my feelings at every instance. I am yet to understand why such irregular behavior has got into me. Usually, I've been a person who loves to speak, loves to listen. I've never been in a situation where I am unable to find someone to speak with. Somehow, the listeners for me are no more around, or maybe, I am unable to see them. It must be due to the translucent view that I have against my eyes. Don't know Why.
There are good news and bad news and then there are news that are hard to judge, GOOD or BAD. Well good news generally lightens up the environment. But in my case I am not even moved or doesn't even feel like tapping a feet even once. Dilemma and Desperation, is something I am unable to justify. For the first time in my life I feel like I am at a cross road which has no exit. No direction, no indication. Intuitions are also not helping. Feel like getting out of this. I wonder When.
I've started blaming others for something or the other and sometimes with no evident reason. I have started refraining from others for an instance or the other. Does one person change the way you think, the way you behave? I've learnt things the way they came. Relationships was my forte. But now things are quite the opposite. Once full of fun have now nowhere to run. I was never like this. I suspect someone behind this. Need to find out Who.
It's true that things do not happen the way we want. And then things happen the way we don't even expect them to. Waving a simple Hi has become more tedious than fixing a shoe lace. Doing something for the sake of doing it has become a style of working. Neglecting an important person has become a wonderful obsession. Rude jesting is the new code of conduct. Apprehension has become the act of dignity. It's time I should change. Just don't know How.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
To My Heart
I have known, not so late,
Mean in mind, full of hate,
Mean in mind, full of hate,
My heart you are bad,
You have lost the taste
You have lost the taste
Trust was what, once stayed in you,
Long lost love, can't find in you
Faces I've seen, Faces I've known
Faces that are, are quite unknown,
Wish u smile, wish you gain,
Wish no sorrow, wish no pain,
Heart, you are known, as full of love,
You are so pure, as one like dove,
Your grateful stride, keeps people alive
Peace n love , is what I strive
You are in pain, you are in cry
You are a disdain, you are left to die
People there are, who want you hard
You are like gem, for them like a shard
Then tell me what, you long so more
Gusto is over, now open the door
To my heart I say, U wait n watch
To my heart I tell, Its just a notch
For once in you, the flow will start
For once its true, I'm true to my heart
Then tell me what, you long so more
Gusto is over, now open the door
To my heart I say, U wait n watch
To my heart I tell, Its just a notch
For once in you, the flow will start
For once its true, I'm true to my heart
Monday, August 9, 2010
I hope it dwells no longer !
We are not talking as much as we used to. I've partially sorted it out. Maybe he keeps his grudges and I keep mine. For the reason that I've been a close observer to his behavior, it has surprised me many a times. Learning and Laughter has been my major interaction with him. I respect him as a member of my family. But I am unable to position myself the way I want to? I've tried my best and its still not enough. At times, I think : Is he a person with a trait who doesn't bother much after his need is over or he forgets the moments spent together? I am yet to get answer to these questions and even conclude whether the question is right!
Still, the question remains. Why have we started refraining ourselves from each other? Is it my perception or is it what I'm experiencing? I believe both of us are quite aware about the situation, yet we do not intend to even highlight it. Strange are the ways when we talk to each other. We often throw answers at each other even before the questions are asked. I do not feel good doing so as later on it fills me with regret.
He often says that I am a very good friend in his list and it sounds good when I hear it. But I am yet to feel it. Even after his strange attitude and behavior, I could never think ill about him. Sometimes I try to, but fail in doing so. Maybe that's my trait. I forgive and forget. Many a times, I feel bad about him not because the way we interact but the way he treats himself. He illustrates certain ways which people do not expect from a person like him, including me. I wish he understands it soon.
I might be young to tell him all that but I wish him all peace and happiness. People ask me many a times as to how do I manage to be friends with him. All I do is just smile back. Honestly, I've no reasons why I do not want to be in bad terms with him. Maybe the corals do not blame the sea when the current is rough.
Still, the question remains. Why have we started refraining ourselves from each other? Is it my perception or is it what I'm experiencing? I believe both of us are quite aware about the situation, yet we do not intend to even highlight it. Strange are the ways when we talk to each other. We often throw answers at each other even before the questions are asked. I do not feel good doing so as later on it fills me with regret.
He often says that I am a very good friend in his list and it sounds good when I hear it. But I am yet to feel it. Even after his strange attitude and behavior, I could never think ill about him. Sometimes I try to, but fail in doing so. Maybe that's my trait. I forgive and forget. Many a times, I feel bad about him not because the way we interact but the way he treats himself. He illustrates certain ways which people do not expect from a person like him, including me. I wish he understands it soon.
I might be young to tell him all that but I wish him all peace and happiness. People ask me many a times as to how do I manage to be friends with him. All I do is just smile back. Honestly, I've no reasons why I do not want to be in bad terms with him. Maybe the corals do not blame the sea when the current is rough.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
I cannot promise - I do promise
I cannot promise you that I will not change,
I cannot promise you that I will not have many different moods,
I cannot promise you that I will not hurt your feelings sometimes
I cannot promise you that I will not be erratic
I cannot promise you that I will always be strong
I cannot promise you that my faults will not show
But
I do promise you that I will always be supportive to you
I do promise you that I will share all my thoughts and feelings with you
I do promise you that I will give you freedom to be yourself
I do promise you that I will understand everything that you do
I do promise you that I will be completely honest with you
I do promise you that I will laugh and cry with you
I do promise you that I will help you achieve all your goals
And above all, I'll be the hand to wipe your tears when you cry
and will become eyes that cry when your hand is hurt.
And above all, I'll be the hand to wipe your tears when you cry
and will become eyes that cry when your hand is hurt.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
All I just said was not enough
All I just said was not enough, telling you all was so tough,
I still don't believe you turned up, Felt it so good, no more rough
I've been wanting to say for so long,
I've been wanting to mean no wrong,
I've been feeling it so strong
I'd want you to stay along
All I just said was not enough, telling you all was so tough
I'm glad you came to meet, Felt it so good, no more rough
Telling you all was not so full,
And stories of past was just a pull,
You heard it all like a mull,
You seemed so grown, so cool
All I just said was not enough, talking to you was no more tough
I might have been dumb telling all, Felt it so good, no more rough
I hope my words didn't make you feel bad,
I tried to use whatever words I had,
What can I say, I am just a lad,
Just talk if need, but don't be mad,
All I just said was not enough, telling you more won't be tough
I'd love to tell you more, Would feel so fine, no more rough
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Happenings - Here & Here
Its time since I've left smoking, I am able to breathe fresh air. The smell of the wet soil, the aroma of the fresh sauté: garlic and ginger, the flower scents of the trees nearby, the tang of recently stirred soup and much more. Everything revivifies the senses with a new stream.
The rains have started to pour down. Refreshes the mind, body and soul. Mere sight of people eating dalwada and sipping tea makes me feel like doing the same. Almost every area around the roads is now colored in green which was quite dusty few days back. The heat is gone and the mercury is showing a pleasant mark. Friends are partying out with friends and friends of friends.
Feels nice. Extremely heavenly. And when heaven is on earth, one would like to capture it for lifetime. No better tool than a camera can do that. Clicking the pictures in this watery and windy light, gives jitter and the spine rocks out. Phew! wonderful. The Sun too might be waiting long for this earth's beautiful makeup.
Have been talking lately to the few old friends. All of them are doing good. One of my friend started with his new job and he seems to be doing fantastic. Another one is trying to run on the tracks that he has laid down for himself. What else, dharmesh, got a new pulsar 220... STEED as one can call it. Runs fast, very fast, very very fast, but he never takes risk. He has posted some pics on the web, in case anyone want's to talk a look. Arey Dharmesh, apne uspe ek film banayenge. Ha ha ha !
Filming se yaad aaya. I've got three back to back classes in the film making workshop next week. The workshop is undertaken by Mr. Pankaj Roy and Ms. Nandi Gargi. They seem like excellent faculties. They have immense knowledge of the industry and the depts. involved. Who wouldn't want to learn from such people. For me, it is a recycled experience. I do know the basics, but this time the perspective have changed... Click! Rolling....
Besides, things are excellent at home. Sister is waiting for another gift for the upcoming Rakshabandhan. Dad is hell bent of scanning the old pictures. Ah, did I mention we just bought a new PCS (HP). Works great. And my mom, she too finished with an acting workshop with Aarti Patel (Akshar Communications) and is happy looking around for and ideal soul-mate for me. Ha ha ha ...These moms are same all over the world. Well what to say Mom, I've already chosen a soul-mate, just not able to find the right words.
The question is ... HOW?
The rains have started to pour down. Refreshes the mind, body and soul. Mere sight of people eating dalwada and sipping tea makes me feel like doing the same. Almost every area around the roads is now colored in green which was quite dusty few days back. The heat is gone and the mercury is showing a pleasant mark. Friends are partying out with friends and friends of friends.
Feels nice. Extremely heavenly. And when heaven is on earth, one would like to capture it for lifetime. No better tool than a camera can do that. Clicking the pictures in this watery and windy light, gives jitter and the spine rocks out. Phew! wonderful. The Sun too might be waiting long for this earth's beautiful makeup.
Have been talking lately to the few old friends. All of them are doing good. One of my friend started with his new job and he seems to be doing fantastic. Another one is trying to run on the tracks that he has laid down for himself. What else, dharmesh, got a new pulsar 220... STEED as one can call it. Runs fast, very fast, very very fast, but he never takes risk. He has posted some pics on the web, in case anyone want's to talk a look. Arey Dharmesh, apne uspe ek film banayenge. Ha ha ha !
Filming se yaad aaya. I've got three back to back classes in the film making workshop next week. The workshop is undertaken by Mr. Pankaj Roy and Ms. Nandi Gargi. They seem like excellent faculties. They have immense knowledge of the industry and the depts. involved. Who wouldn't want to learn from such people. For me, it is a recycled experience. I do know the basics, but this time the perspective have changed... Click! Rolling....
Besides, things are excellent at home. Sister is waiting for another gift for the upcoming Rakshabandhan. Dad is hell bent of scanning the old pictures. Ah, did I mention we just bought a new PCS (HP). Works great. And my mom, she too finished with an acting workshop with Aarti Patel (Akshar Communications) and is happy looking around for and ideal soul-mate for me. Ha ha ha ...These moms are same all over the world. Well what to say Mom, I've already chosen a soul-mate, just not able to find the right words.
The question is ... HOW?
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Way back into Love...
I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can't seem to move on
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
Monday, July 19, 2010
Putting away the SMOKE!
Few days ago... had nothing to do...was getting bored... thought to take a break...went downstairs.. asked for a cigg...smoked it through... puffed it thoroughly... had a mouth freshener...came back up..went to the basin... sanitized my hands... went back to my desk.... repeated this for 3 times more that day.....
Next day woke up early... felt like a heavy chest... never experienced it before.... could not judge why it happened...tried to breathe extensively... couldn't manage it....thought to sit up straight... was feeling more vulnerable... chest was getting heavier.... somehow managed to get up... felt like a vacuum inside... air was not getting filtered...tried to breathe even harder...the pain was getting severe... mind went blank... thoughts were gone... nothing on my mind... felt like an end...
I started to ponder...was this permanent... was it temporary... what could be the reason... is it my habit... might be one of the reason...got ready for office... took along the pain... although not hard... the chest was still in shock... so was my mind... saw people at the stall... few of them smoking... others sipping tea... first time in my life... didn't bother to look there more... started hating the smoke... the mere smell of it...went upstairs to the office... sat on my desk... i had eluded the craving...was too early to tell... colleagues came by...asked me for a fag...i denied to join... i was surprised and so were others.... but i did what i said... i didn't join them...
Next day was lighter... although with the pain... severity was gone... could get up easily... took a deep breath... it was fresh than before...came to office... evaded the smoke yet again... was feeling confident about it...went back home with more conviction....next day was holiday... was at home... managed to stay at home... this time without the thought of smoke...
With the new week starting... have decided to avoid the circumstances... the one which may lead to that habit... the heavy chest was indication... i should have stopped it long ago... i want to live... i want to enjoy... i want to be with people i know... for a long long time... smoke would make me weak... would make me vulnerable... would keep me away from the dear ones i have...would keep me away from the beauty of life...
This uninvited experience... made me see... death on my chest.... and if i say...death like this is no beauty...
Next day woke up early... felt like a heavy chest... never experienced it before.... could not judge why it happened...tried to breathe extensively... couldn't manage it....thought to sit up straight... was feeling more vulnerable... chest was getting heavier.... somehow managed to get up... felt like a vacuum inside... air was not getting filtered...tried to breathe even harder...the pain was getting severe... mind went blank... thoughts were gone... nothing on my mind... felt like an end...
I started to ponder...was this permanent... was it temporary... what could be the reason... is it my habit... might be one of the reason...got ready for office... took along the pain... although not hard... the chest was still in shock... so was my mind... saw people at the stall... few of them smoking... others sipping tea... first time in my life... didn't bother to look there more... started hating the smoke... the mere smell of it...went upstairs to the office... sat on my desk... i had eluded the craving...was too early to tell... colleagues came by...asked me for a fag...i denied to join... i was surprised and so were others.... but i did what i said... i didn't join them...
Next day was lighter... although with the pain... severity was gone... could get up easily... took a deep breath... it was fresh than before...came to office... evaded the smoke yet again... was feeling confident about it...went back home with more conviction....next day was holiday... was at home... managed to stay at home... this time without the thought of smoke...
With the new week starting... have decided to avoid the circumstances... the one which may lead to that habit... the heavy chest was indication... i should have stopped it long ago... i want to live... i want to enjoy... i want to be with people i know... for a long long time... smoke would make me weak... would make me vulnerable... would keep me away from the dear ones i have...would keep me away from the beauty of life...
This uninvited experience... made me see... death on my chest.... and if i say...death like this is no beauty...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I'll ask you to be the one - you can choose not to be
Have you ever thought of having a companion? I am sure you would have thought of it. Companion, is a very cheezy word. It is a relative term. For some, companion means a friend, buddy or someone who's there with you during the walk of life.
I am no different from them. Right from childhood, I have been fond of people around me. I might not have told this to people around me, but it is a fact. Some companions who come in the form of friends remain with you no matter what. You expect a lot from them and so do they, being entirely selfless. From some you expect nothing but still, sticking around with them doesn't do any harm.
And then, there are third kind of people u see, meet and feel strongly about. No blood relations involved, no friendship involved. At least not on the initial stage. But still, u feel that the person I just saw/met is the one, with whom I can spend my entire life. How does this feeling come, why does it come? We just can't judge it, can we?
I've felt a situation, which is quite familiar to me, but not the way it is now. Companion, yes.
Our likes not alike, but dislikes are alike.
Our thoughts are alike, but words not alike.
I feel it strong, I feel is straight,
I'll ask you to be the one,
you can choose not to be
Your locks are not the same I longed,
But your pearls are the one I dream off and on,
Your eyes are black, though I wanted blue,
Your smile that again, keeps me glued,
I'll ask you to be the one,
you can choose not to be.
The smile, once unknown to me,
The laugh, quite new to me,
Your eyes that shyly drop,
Is all that I'd want to see
I'll ask you to be the one,
you can choose not to be
I'll ask you once, and if needed twice,
I'll ask you till my heart would suffice,
I assure, the life would be fun
I'll ask you to be the one, and I wish,
you do not choose not to be...
The smile, once unknown to me,
The laugh, quite new to me,
Your eyes that shyly drop,
Is all that I'd want to see
I'll ask you to be the one,
you can choose not to be
I'll ask you once, and if needed twice,
I'll ask you till my heart would suffice,
I assure, the life would be fun
I'll ask you to be the one, and I wish,
you do not choose not to be...
A purpose I found!
8 Ball Quick Fire Pool - Its a game of pool with a time limit in which a set of 14 balls are to be potted. Extra time is added on every pot. Game is over when the time is over. I tried my hand on this game today. Its quite an addictive game. Not suitable for those who want to play during office hours. Trying this game few more times, I reached the score of 2600. The time was ticking backwards and only 18 seconds were remaining. I knew the rules. Time khatam, game khatam. I started hitting the ball as fast as I can. Was it the right way to play? The answer was no. You would say aim every ball and then hit it. But where was the time? If all the balls were potted, a new cycle of 14 balls would start and that also meant that remaining time would be subject to the number of balls potted considering 9 secs per ball.There was no certainty and out of 9, only 2 went into the hole. 5 secs were remaining and a thought crossed my mind, what was the objective of the game? Was it to pot all the balls or was it to add to the time that was ticking?
My mind paused for a second when I paused the game. It was thinking the lines that were quite out of my mind for some time. What is my goal in life? Why am doing the things that I am doing? What is the reason that I want certain things to happen? Why can't I do certain things when I know I can? Why am I unable to let someone know how much I love and care about them? There were so many Whys and Is in my thoughts. Feelings were quite mixed up. Thoughts were from every situation of my life that I had faced till date.
Suddenly, I received a SMS from my uncle.
It read: "Life is like a race between Cat & Rat. Rat mostly wins, bcoz Cat runs 4 food & Rat runs for life. Remember, "Purpose is more important than need.""
And then everything started to make sense. What was the purpose of my life? I had never asked this question to myself. I am working for an industry which I never knew existed. I am at a designation which I thought only someone else can reach. I always thought of friends with whom I can share my bit. Instead I have people around me who understand everything without me telling them anything. I thought my parents would never change their opinion of me being a good for nothing. Instead, they are proud with what I have achieved. I could never study what I wanted, instead was educated on the things that are helping me now.
Through all these thoughts I felt, I just need to stick to the things I have. I can create N number of needs which I may or may not be able to fulfill. But I need to understand a purpose behind creating that need. And yes, I've started understanding that one can just thrive to plan for things and work towards its execution, however should also be ready for an alternate outcome. I've lived by that principle and it is treating me good with lot of surprises, amazement and sometimes flashy experiences. But all in a good sense, I've found a purpose of life and that is to laugh over what has gone by, a slight speculation about future, and to live in the moment as and when it comes. It gets easier.
My mind paused for a second when I paused the game. It was thinking the lines that were quite out of my mind for some time. What is my goal in life? Why am doing the things that I am doing? What is the reason that I want certain things to happen? Why can't I do certain things when I know I can? Why am I unable to let someone know how much I love and care about them? There were so many Whys and Is in my thoughts. Feelings were quite mixed up. Thoughts were from every situation of my life that I had faced till date.
Suddenly, I received a SMS from my uncle.
It read: "Life is like a race between Cat & Rat. Rat mostly wins, bcoz Cat runs 4 food & Rat runs for life. Remember, "Purpose is more important than need.""
And then everything started to make sense. What was the purpose of my life? I had never asked this question to myself. I am working for an industry which I never knew existed. I am at a designation which I thought only someone else can reach. I always thought of friends with whom I can share my bit. Instead I have people around me who understand everything without me telling them anything. I thought my parents would never change their opinion of me being a good for nothing. Instead, they are proud with what I have achieved. I could never study what I wanted, instead was educated on the things that are helping me now.
Through all these thoughts I felt, I just need to stick to the things I have. I can create N number of needs which I may or may not be able to fulfill. But I need to understand a purpose behind creating that need. And yes, I've started understanding that one can just thrive to plan for things and work towards its execution, however should also be ready for an alternate outcome. I've lived by that principle and it is treating me good with lot of surprises, amazement and sometimes flashy experiences. But all in a good sense, I've found a purpose of life and that is to laugh over what has gone by, a slight speculation about future, and to live in the moment as and when it comes. It gets easier.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Anger
I am getting angry today, without no reasons. Getting angry doesn't help in any way, still am unable to console myself. Almost everyone gets in such a state once in life. For the first time I am unable to get hold of it. I never get in argument with my subordinates, which I did today.
I know its not right and all I can do is to wait for such a situation to pass. Nerve wrecking dialouges would do no good and thus, I have refrained myself from any conversation for the day. Especially with those who are not working up to the mark. Saying so, it implies to me, but I need to talk to myself or else this anger would lead to a huge confrontation at all fronts of my life.
Peace...
I know its not right and all I can do is to wait for such a situation to pass. Nerve wrecking dialouges would do no good and thus, I have refrained myself from any conversation for the day. Especially with those who are not working up to the mark. Saying so, it implies to me, but I need to talk to myself or else this anger would lead to a huge confrontation at all fronts of my life.
Peace...
Monday, June 21, 2010
Memory Loss & Missing Objects
I started of writing this post with a thought in my mind. In fact it is somewhat strange to recall what was the content to be posted here. Was it something related to fact or was it something related to ..... Uh! I forgot. Believe me this is no work of fiction. It is actually happening for quite some time now, and it is picking up the pace. Fast, very fast.
Had it been 2050, I would have understood. By then, I would have been 70+ at my age. But this dilemma is getting stronger when I am just in my mid 20s. I have started forgetting things like watch or wallet. I bought a CD worth 1k and now I can't remember where it is. I've gotten into a habit of doing things over and over again like asking my colleagues for a particular report,(even though I had a look at it few minutes back). At times when I pick up my cell phone to call someone, I forget whom I was calling. And If I remember whom I was calling, I forget what was I supposed to say.
Virgos are known to have a very good memory. But I guess stars have nothing to do with the practicality of such a situation. Could there be a medical reason to it? Or is there an emotional side to it? My mind goes entirely blank at times when I actually need to think something. It doesn't allow me to speak in such situations. People feel that I have gone dumb during certain conversations, but It happens that I just can't relate to it, as the track is lost.
Technically this calls for a clinical visit and I have my doubts to remember that.
Had it been 2050, I would have understood. By then, I would have been 70+ at my age. But this dilemma is getting stronger when I am just in my mid 20s. I have started forgetting things like watch or wallet. I bought a CD worth 1k and now I can't remember where it is. I've gotten into a habit of doing things over and over again like asking my colleagues for a particular report,(even though I had a look at it few minutes back). At times when I pick up my cell phone to call someone, I forget whom I was calling. And If I remember whom I was calling, I forget what was I supposed to say.
Virgos are known to have a very good memory. But I guess stars have nothing to do with the practicality of such a situation. Could there be a medical reason to it? Or is there an emotional side to it? My mind goes entirely blank at times when I actually need to think something. It doesn't allow me to speak in such situations. People feel that I have gone dumb during certain conversations, but It happens that I just can't relate to it, as the track is lost.
Technically this calls for a clinical visit and I have my doubts to remember that.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Khul Gaya...Khul Gaya, Aasma Khul Gaya
khul gaya, khul gaya, aasma khul gaya,
ghul gaya, ghul gaya, rang har ek ghul gaya,
baadal bhi keh rahein, paani mein har rang mile,
parvat yea shaan se, ambar ko hai chhu rahe,
bheegi hai yea dhara, jarane bhi hai beh rahe,
rasta yea khatm na ho, saagar se yea mil rahe
khul gaya, khul gaya, aasma yea khul gaya,
ghul gaya, ghul gaya, rang har ek ghul gaya,
har disha, hariyali hai,
chehron pe, khushihali hai,
aankhen bhi hai beh rahi sang,
khil rahi muskan hai,
khul gaya, khul gaya, aasma yea khul gaya,
ghul gaya, ghul gaya, rang har ek ghul gaya,
Kadkadate baadalon se, beh chali paani ki dhar,
Phadphadaake pacnhio se, chhup gaye hum ghar mein yaar
Chhup gaya kuch waqt suraj, har hava suhani hai,
Dekh tu har ek makaan mein, ik nayi kahani hai,
mausam hai yea prit ka, bichhad ke milte mit ka,
chal aa mil ke geet gaaye, ghirte sawan, bhaado ka
khul gaya, khul gaya, aasma yea khul gaya,
ghul gaya, ghul gaya, rang har ek ghul gaya.
ghul gaya, ghul gaya, rang har ek ghul gaya,
baadal bhi keh rahein, paani mein har rang mile,
parvat yea shaan se, ambar ko hai chhu rahe,
bheegi hai yea dhara, jarane bhi hai beh rahe,
rasta yea khatm na ho, saagar se yea mil rahe
khul gaya, khul gaya, aasma yea khul gaya,
ghul gaya, ghul gaya, rang har ek ghul gaya,
har disha, hariyali hai,
chehron pe, khushihali hai,
aankhen bhi hai beh rahi sang,
khil rahi muskan hai,
khul gaya, khul gaya, aasma yea khul gaya,
ghul gaya, ghul gaya, rang har ek ghul gaya,
Kadkadate baadalon se, beh chali paani ki dhar,
Phadphadaake pacnhio se, chhup gaye hum ghar mein yaar
Chhup gaya kuch waqt suraj, har hava suhani hai,
Dekh tu har ek makaan mein, ik nayi kahani hai,
mausam hai yea prit ka, bichhad ke milte mit ka,
chal aa mil ke geet gaaye, ghirte sawan, bhaado ka
khul gaya, khul gaya, aasma yea khul gaya,
ghul gaya, ghul gaya, rang har ek ghul gaya.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
For now, I wish...
Things are getting a bit awkward around me. No else would be bothered about that other than me. There is nothing substantial that I am doing in my profession. Nothing at all in personal life. I remeber one of the poems that I wrote few weeks back. "Yes its true, I don't wanna be here", which was written out of a thought. But now, almost every word in it is coming true. For the time being, everthing in that part of my literature is coming alive.
"The world out here, seems so cliqued".
Everyone is getting along with their life. No hi no hello. It is a bit awkward. I am not used to it. Even if I say hi, it doesn't mean that they should fire back one. But once in a while is we all would expect. Being an outcast is the worst thing u can ever imagine if you are a human being.
"Absurd are the ways, when people ask
More it gets, whenever I ask
Answers are all, that people want,
The answer I get, is always a taunt"
Its getting absurd every second of my day passing by. I am being questioned on matters that I have already proved my worth. I am unable to ask certain questions to people who I still trust. I do not doubt their actions. All I ask is why such indifference? How can someone have a partial attitude such that you are no more interested to believe in their ideals? It seems so fake. Fake is it? I hope not. Cause if its true, it would be the last time I'd trust someone with my heart. But then, I look back at my last blog. Expectations! Am I expecting something out of someone or is it myself?
There's no expectation from anyone. Its just that I wish this phase to pass.
I wish no sorrow,
I wish no pain,
I wish not to loose,
I wish no slain...
"The world out here, seems so cliqued".
Everyone is getting along with their life. No hi no hello. It is a bit awkward. I am not used to it. Even if I say hi, it doesn't mean that they should fire back one. But once in a while is we all would expect. Being an outcast is the worst thing u can ever imagine if you are a human being.
"Absurd are the ways, when people ask
More it gets, whenever I ask
Answers are all, that people want,
The answer I get, is always a taunt"
Its getting absurd every second of my day passing by. I am being questioned on matters that I have already proved my worth. I am unable to ask certain questions to people who I still trust. I do not doubt their actions. All I ask is why such indifference? How can someone have a partial attitude such that you are no more interested to believe in their ideals? It seems so fake. Fake is it? I hope not. Cause if its true, it would be the last time I'd trust someone with my heart. But then, I look back at my last blog. Expectations! Am I expecting something out of someone or is it myself?
There's no expectation from anyone. Its just that I wish this phase to pass.
I wish no sorrow,
I wish no pain,
I wish not to loose,
I wish no slain...
Expectations !
"Ha ha ha..."
"What happened?," asked my friend...
"Nothing yaar, kuch yaad aa gaya"., I replied
"Asia to kya yaad aya jo itna hasne ki zaroorat padi?," he asked again...
"Yad to bohot kuch aa raha hai aur hasi bhi.
"Ajib hai yaar tu, jab bhi koi joke yaad aata hai, akele akele has leta hai. Aur hasta hi rehta hai... Aur hasta bhi kaisa hai Khatarnaak..."
"Ha ha ha..."
"Dekha abhi bhi has raha hai"...
"Actually koi joke voke nahi yaad aa raha. I am laughing cause I'm unable to judge myself in a certain way. Tell me something. Did we sign a contract, ke bhai hum log zindagi mein achhe dost bane rahenge?... "
"Kisi dost se panga hua kya?"...
"Arey nahi yaar... Mein to aise hi generally soch raha that ke, dost, relatives, acquaintance vagera vagera.. sirf matlab ke liye banaye jaate hai ya phir kisi matlab se bante hai"
"Dekh yaar apna to life ka simple sa funda hai... Kaam khatam, aadmi khatam. Kuch hi log aise hote hai jinpe aap zindagi ke liye bharosa kar sakte ho. Woh chahe relatives ho, ya dost... Yea wohi log hote hai jo zarurat ke time pe kaam mein aate hai.."
"Wahi... there, u see.. you also said the same thing.... Kuch hi log hote hai jinpe bharosa kiya jaa sakta hai... aur zarurat ke time pe kaam mein aate hai..."
"Haan to?"
"Matlab yehi na.. ke kuchh hi logon pe bharosa karo... taaki aapki expectation ko zyada thhes na pohche yehi na..."
"Haan.. but mein kuch samja nahi..."
"Arey sirf itna keh raha hoon ke bhale hi dost ho ya koi aur.. kya relation isliye rakhe jaate hai kyon ki hame unse kuch chahiye ya phir aise hi..."
"Jaise?"
"Jaise, mein aise dost chunu jo zarurat padne par kaam aaye, yaa phir mein aise dost banau jisko jab zarurat pade to woh mujhe yaad kare... phir chahe bhul jaye...chalega"
"Yea sab achanak kahan se aa raha hai? Nakki kuch locha hai"
"Arey yaar kuch locha nahi hai... And I am not bothered that much... I've seen few people in my life who do not expect anything from their friends ... Literally nothing... Entirely selfless... and yes I am not lying.."
"Toh?"
"Toh yea ke agar abhi tak maine kuch expect nahi kiya hai toh woh mere achhe dost hai. But, if I am in need of something and they are not able to help... , again they might have their reasons... should i stop talking to them or something.?
"Ofcourse not, not at all."
"I believe you're speaking my language."
"Hmmm."
"And what do you think about the "friends" who stop interacting or sharing with you just because you could not lend a helping hand due to some constraints?"
"Well in that case you can do nothing. Its an individual choice. However, if you feel like talking to them, just give them a buzz. Its as simple as that."
"Hmmm. And if they do not intend to reciprocate, maybe they should not be bothered so much. One should leave them and in case if they turn back for something, u should never say no. Right?
"Bulls Eye"
"Hmmm. So do not expect anything from anyone, but be ready to fulfill their expectations. Eh!"
"Yes, cause as they say, EXPECTATIONS FROM OTHERS ALWAYS LEADS YOU TO DITCH. HA HA HA HA HA".
And he too laughed with me...
"What happened?," asked my friend...
"Nothing yaar, kuch yaad aa gaya"., I replied
"Asia to kya yaad aya jo itna hasne ki zaroorat padi?," he asked again...
"Yad to bohot kuch aa raha hai aur hasi bhi.
"Ajib hai yaar tu, jab bhi koi joke yaad aata hai, akele akele has leta hai. Aur hasta hi rehta hai... Aur hasta bhi kaisa hai Khatarnaak..."
"Ha ha ha..."
"Dekha abhi bhi has raha hai"...
"Actually koi joke voke nahi yaad aa raha. I am laughing cause I'm unable to judge myself in a certain way. Tell me something. Did we sign a contract, ke bhai hum log zindagi mein achhe dost bane rahenge?... "
"Kisi dost se panga hua kya?"...
"Arey nahi yaar... Mein to aise hi generally soch raha that ke, dost, relatives, acquaintance vagera vagera.. sirf matlab ke liye banaye jaate hai ya phir kisi matlab se bante hai"
"Dekh yaar apna to life ka simple sa funda hai... Kaam khatam, aadmi khatam. Kuch hi log aise hote hai jinpe aap zindagi ke liye bharosa kar sakte ho. Woh chahe relatives ho, ya dost... Yea wohi log hote hai jo zarurat ke time pe kaam mein aate hai.."
"Wahi... there, u see.. you also said the same thing.... Kuch hi log hote hai jinpe bharosa kiya jaa sakta hai... aur zarurat ke time pe kaam mein aate hai..."
"Haan to?"
"Matlab yehi na.. ke kuchh hi logon pe bharosa karo... taaki aapki expectation ko zyada thhes na pohche yehi na..."
"Haan.. but mein kuch samja nahi..."
"Arey sirf itna keh raha hoon ke bhale hi dost ho ya koi aur.. kya relation isliye rakhe jaate hai kyon ki hame unse kuch chahiye ya phir aise hi..."
"Jaise?"
"Jaise, mein aise dost chunu jo zarurat padne par kaam aaye, yaa phir mein aise dost banau jisko jab zarurat pade to woh mujhe yaad kare... phir chahe bhul jaye...chalega"
"Yea sab achanak kahan se aa raha hai? Nakki kuch locha hai"
"Arey yaar kuch locha nahi hai... And I am not bothered that much... I've seen few people in my life who do not expect anything from their friends ... Literally nothing... Entirely selfless... and yes I am not lying.."
"Toh?"
"Toh yea ke agar abhi tak maine kuch expect nahi kiya hai toh woh mere achhe dost hai. But, if I am in need of something and they are not able to help... , again they might have their reasons... should i stop talking to them or something.?
"Ofcourse not, not at all."
"I believe you're speaking my language."
"Hmmm."
"And what do you think about the "friends" who stop interacting or sharing with you just because you could not lend a helping hand due to some constraints?"
"Well in that case you can do nothing. Its an individual choice. However, if you feel like talking to them, just give them a buzz. Its as simple as that."
"Hmmm. And if they do not intend to reciprocate, maybe they should not be bothered so much. One should leave them and in case if they turn back for something, u should never say no. Right?
"Bulls Eye"
"Hmmm. So do not expect anything from anyone, but be ready to fulfill their expectations. Eh!"
"Yes, cause as they say, EXPECTATIONS FROM OTHERS ALWAYS LEADS YOU TO DITCH. HA HA HA HA HA".
And he too laughed with me...
Monday, May 17, 2010
I met her again - was it a dream or reality?
"My heart it speaks a thousand words,
I feel Eternal bliss,
The roses spout, their scarlet mouths,
Like offering a Kiss,
No drop of rain, No glowing flame,
Has ever been so pure
If being in love can feel like this,
Then I'm in love for sure."
Yes the winds are taking a different turn. Things are changing for a better run. I feel its not going to be the same. Few sleepless nights, few shivery frights is on the roll now. The summer no longer perspires me. Sipping off cold water creates a heat down the throat. Every face I encounter, seems like smiling, and for the one that is not, motivates me to make them smile.
Why is this happening to me? I have an answer to it. I have a reason to it. Have u have you ever got something without asking. And that thing which you wanted, you never asked for, you got it is a person of who you are longing for since eternity. Feels like the air is enchanted by twinkling stars. Feels like daffodils have started ringing way too far.
Yes I met her again. She was standing, Near a light pole on the road side. Vehicles were passing by. Pedestrians were walking by. Vehicles were flashing lights on her. I could virtually see her on the center stage with all the fog lights on her. Pedestrians were just having a neck ache and i could feel it right there. There she was, charming, amazing, glittering like never before. And guess what, I found her looking at me. Why not? I'was the one in her life too. (But that's another story) Her eyes screamed out my name on seeing me. Her lips broadened far to the ends. Her sparkling teeth started gazing through a tiny window of her lips. Her eyes were glowing, her breath was flowing. I could feel her near me even though I was a bit far from her. I was so much in a bliss that I could only watch her from a distance.
I gained my consciousness and walked towards her. I greeted her with all I might. I tried to do that with all my plight. She just said a simple "Hi", for me which was nothing less than to die. Why was I feeling such now for her. Oh! I've known her since ages. She was the one and I couldn't even realize it. I smiled back and greeted with a Hi. Wow what a wonderful feeling that was....
'How are you today?," I held her hand.
"Fine, how are you?",.. She smiled back.
"Should we have some coffee?" I asked...
"Sure."
We sat on a table nearby. Well it was a roadside coffee shop with the tables on the footpath. The light pole was next to our table. We were still holding our hands when the waiter came in and asked for the order to which we both replied "COFFEE". Ek hi aawaz mein... We were in sync or maybe it was the connection we had.
"I missed you a lot. How have you been? You don't even bother to tell me? Why didn't you call me... etc etc... and she threw all the questions she could.
All I could do was stare at her when she rocked her lips. I was least bothered about who else was present there. The waiter came and kept our coffee mugs on our table along with complementary cookies. I could hear to the vehicles passing by, I could hear people talking by. I could hear the waiter shouting out the orders, I could hear the honking on the road. The hawkers were getting along with their business on the street. The candyman was ringing his bells with smile to greet. But who bothered about all these. I only looked at her and listened to what she was saying.
"Arey, are you even listening?.
"YES, I am go on.. I am hearing your voice after a long time..."
"What?"
"Yes, its been long that I heard you voice. Please go on..."
HA HA HA.... We both laughed... What a wonderful laugh after a wonderful smile... It was all happening there.
At that time I observed many people were looking at us. They were staring as if they have never seen a couple sitting like this. It felt so special. And yes, special it was. We were special for each other atleast.
"By the way, why don't you sing a song for this lovely lady?... asked an old man sitting next to my seat. I wonder why suddenly he asked me to do that, but I realized why not. After all, no one would mind that. He kept was looking at us for quite some time.
"Ofcourse..why not"... Said another guy sitting next to the old man.
"Ok...would you like to hear it, dear?" I asked her...
She just smiled back and blinked her eyes twice. God! I know how much I like her blinking eyes.
And then, I sang...
"Aawaz do humko, hum kho gaye,
Kab neend se jaage, Kab so gaye,
Mar jaayenge, hum agar,
dur tumse ho gaye..."
The atmosphere was filled with fragrance of flowers, the maple leaves were flying along with the gusting winds. I could feel those vibes.I felt as if she wanted to sing with me and yes, for the next lines of the song, she joined me and we both sang together.
The old man seemed happy. I'm sure he recalled his days when might have sung for his beloved.
"So how are you doing at you SALSA classes?, she asked suddenly.
"Oh wonderful. You would not believe, but I like it so much that I almost forget everything during that 1 hour."
"EVERYTHING?"
"I said almost everything, and that does not include you. Hey, why don't you join the class with me. Even we are going to perform on stage in June.
"No No..
"Arey it would be fun. Aur mein hoon to koi dikkat nahi hai...." I tapped her hand with mine.
"Well... actually.....
"AREY JAY. 7 VAAGI GAYA CHHE. UNDER JAINE SUI JAA." I thought why would someone think that I was sleeping and that too at a coffee table on the roadside?.
"UTH NE JALDI, MARE GHANU KAAM CHHE, UTH"
I opened my eyes and I saw the ceiling fan. It was on its full speed and my mom was leaning on me trying to wake me up from my sleep. I could not believe that scene. I tried to close my eyes again.
The dream was broken. Broken it was. It was still hard to believe that coffee shop was a dream. Whatever happened back there, I felt like it was happening right in front of me. How amazing she looked, how lovingly we were holding our hands and we sang a song too... But all that in a dream? Unbelievable.
The memory of the dream slowly started to diminish where her face was the first thing I forgot. Although I could remember, I did meet her before partially in my dreams, she was none of the faces I knew in reality and I was sure about it. But feeling did not go even when I woke up. I was feeling so strong about her even if she was in my dreams. I checked my contacts list to see whether her name was on the list. But couldn't even remember the name of lady in my dream, ha ha ha.Even the old man who sat next to our table seemed quite familiar, couldn't recognize him.
Sometimes, it gets too hard to believe, what is dream, what is reality. But for that instance, it was a reality for me.
Dream it was, reality this is,
Love it was, here I'm in bliss,
Her face I want, to see once again,
Her hands I want, to feel once again,
Believing is hard, was easy to trust,
She was there,with a flow of gust
I wish once more, nap to that state
Will cross the alps, will break all gates
PS: The lines at the beginning of the post are taken from the song O Ri Chhori from Lagaan.
I feel Eternal bliss,
The roses spout, their scarlet mouths,
Like offering a Kiss,
No drop of rain, No glowing flame,
Has ever been so pure
If being in love can feel like this,
Then I'm in love for sure."
Yes the winds are taking a different turn. Things are changing for a better run. I feel its not going to be the same. Few sleepless nights, few shivery frights is on the roll now. The summer no longer perspires me. Sipping off cold water creates a heat down the throat. Every face I encounter, seems like smiling, and for the one that is not, motivates me to make them smile.
Why is this happening to me? I have an answer to it. I have a reason to it. Have u have you ever got something without asking. And that thing which you wanted, you never asked for, you got it is a person of who you are longing for since eternity. Feels like the air is enchanted by twinkling stars. Feels like daffodils have started ringing way too far.
Yes I met her again. She was standing, Near a light pole on the road side. Vehicles were passing by. Pedestrians were walking by. Vehicles were flashing lights on her. I could virtually see her on the center stage with all the fog lights on her. Pedestrians were just having a neck ache and i could feel it right there. There she was, charming, amazing, glittering like never before. And guess what, I found her looking at me. Why not? I'was the one in her life too. (But that's another story) Her eyes screamed out my name on seeing me. Her lips broadened far to the ends. Her sparkling teeth started gazing through a tiny window of her lips. Her eyes were glowing, her breath was flowing. I could feel her near me even though I was a bit far from her. I was so much in a bliss that I could only watch her from a distance.
I gained my consciousness and walked towards her. I greeted her with all I might. I tried to do that with all my plight. She just said a simple "Hi", for me which was nothing less than to die. Why was I feeling such now for her. Oh! I've known her since ages. She was the one and I couldn't even realize it. I smiled back and greeted with a Hi. Wow what a wonderful feeling that was....
'How are you today?," I held her hand.
"Fine, how are you?",.. She smiled back.
"Should we have some coffee?" I asked...
"Sure."
We sat on a table nearby. Well it was a roadside coffee shop with the tables on the footpath. The light pole was next to our table. We were still holding our hands when the waiter came in and asked for the order to which we both replied "COFFEE". Ek hi aawaz mein... We were in sync or maybe it was the connection we had.
"I missed you a lot. How have you been? You don't even bother to tell me? Why didn't you call me... etc etc... and she threw all the questions she could.
All I could do was stare at her when she rocked her lips. I was least bothered about who else was present there. The waiter came and kept our coffee mugs on our table along with complementary cookies. I could hear to the vehicles passing by, I could hear people talking by. I could hear the waiter shouting out the orders, I could hear the honking on the road. The hawkers were getting along with their business on the street. The candyman was ringing his bells with smile to greet. But who bothered about all these. I only looked at her and listened to what she was saying.
"Arey, are you even listening?.
"YES, I am go on.. I am hearing your voice after a long time..."
"What?"
"Yes, its been long that I heard you voice. Please go on..."
HA HA HA.... We both laughed... What a wonderful laugh after a wonderful smile... It was all happening there.
At that time I observed many people were looking at us. They were staring as if they have never seen a couple sitting like this. It felt so special. And yes, special it was. We were special for each other atleast.
"By the way, why don't you sing a song for this lovely lady?... asked an old man sitting next to my seat. I wonder why suddenly he asked me to do that, but I realized why not. After all, no one would mind that. He kept was looking at us for quite some time.
"Ofcourse..why not"... Said another guy sitting next to the old man.
"Ok...would you like to hear it, dear?" I asked her...
She just smiled back and blinked her eyes twice. God! I know how much I like her blinking eyes.
And then, I sang...
"Aawaz do humko, hum kho gaye,
Kab neend se jaage, Kab so gaye,
Mar jaayenge, hum agar,
dur tumse ho gaye..."
The atmosphere was filled with fragrance of flowers, the maple leaves were flying along with the gusting winds. I could feel those vibes.I felt as if she wanted to sing with me and yes, for the next lines of the song, she joined me and we both sang together.
The old man seemed happy. I'm sure he recalled his days when might have sung for his beloved.
"So how are you doing at you SALSA classes?, she asked suddenly.
"Oh wonderful. You would not believe, but I like it so much that I almost forget everything during that 1 hour."
"EVERYTHING?"
"I said almost everything, and that does not include you. Hey, why don't you join the class with me. Even we are going to perform on stage in June.
"No No..
"Arey it would be fun. Aur mein hoon to koi dikkat nahi hai...." I tapped her hand with mine.
"Well... actually.....
"AREY JAY. 7 VAAGI GAYA CHHE. UNDER JAINE SUI JAA." I thought why would someone think that I was sleeping and that too at a coffee table on the roadside?.
"UTH NE JALDI, MARE GHANU KAAM CHHE, UTH"
I opened my eyes and I saw the ceiling fan. It was on its full speed and my mom was leaning on me trying to wake me up from my sleep. I could not believe that scene. I tried to close my eyes again.
The dream was broken. Broken it was. It was still hard to believe that coffee shop was a dream. Whatever happened back there, I felt like it was happening right in front of me. How amazing she looked, how lovingly we were holding our hands and we sang a song too... But all that in a dream? Unbelievable.
The memory of the dream slowly started to diminish where her face was the first thing I forgot. Although I could remember, I did meet her before partially in my dreams, she was none of the faces I knew in reality and I was sure about it. But feeling did not go even when I woke up. I was feeling so strong about her even if she was in my dreams. I checked my contacts list to see whether her name was on the list. But couldn't even remember the name of lady in my dream, ha ha ha.Even the old man who sat next to our table seemed quite familiar, couldn't recognize him.
Sometimes, it gets too hard to believe, what is dream, what is reality. But for that instance, it was a reality for me.
Dream it was, reality this is,
Love it was, here I'm in bliss,
Her face I want, to see once again,
Her hands I want, to feel once again,
Believing is hard, was easy to trust,
She was there,with a flow of gust
I wish once more, nap to that state
Will cross the alps, will break all gates
PS: The lines at the beginning of the post are taken from the song O Ri Chhori from Lagaan.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Names I have...
Name...
Of course, we do. A man gets his name right from his birth. Same is with a female as well. Who embedded such a tradition in humans, we'd never know. We do not intend to know. But what people really tend to know is how do they get their names. As there are people, there are traditions. Different locations, different ideologies, different culture, leads in naming every individual.
Like I've seen around in India, various communities have various rituals for naming a new born baby.
In Hindus: People note the time, date, gender and location of the birth. All the statistics put together a Kundli (Birth Chart) is prepared and based on the horoscope a name is suggested.
In Muslims: A similar trend is observed where even religious gurus also bless the new born. They prepare a chart based on the details of time, date, gender and location.
In Christianity : The outline : - Preparation, Opening, Welcoming the new soul, Family Lineage, Naming, life song and presentation to the four directions, Godparents pledge, Bitter and Sweet experiences, Family and friends blessings, Final blessing and closing
What does it mean?
"A name is a label for a noun, normally used to distinguish one from the other. Names can identify a class of category or things, or a single thing, either uniquely, or withing a given context. A personal name identifies a specific unique and identifiable individual person, and may or may on include a middle name."
We know this, do we not?
Of course, we do. A man gets his name right from his birth. Same is with a female as well. Who embedded such a tradition in humans, we'd never know. We do not intend to know. But what people really tend to know is how do they get their names. As there are people, there are traditions. Different locations, different ideologies, different culture, leads in naming every individual.
Like I've seen around in India, various communities have various rituals for naming a new born baby.
In Hindus: People note the time, date, gender and location of the birth. All the statistics put together a Kundli (Birth Chart) is prepared and based on the horoscope a name is suggested.
In Muslims: A similar trend is observed where even religious gurus also bless the new born. They prepare a chart based on the details of time, date, gender and location.
In Christianity : The outline : - Preparation, Opening, Welcoming the new soul, Family Lineage, Naming, life song and presentation to the four directions, Godparents pledge, Bitter and Sweet experiences, Family and friends blessings, Final blessing and closing
So various communities, cultures have various traditions. The names are kept in significance to their lineage and more to follow. However, sometimes each name doesn't signify the actual reasoning of birth chart or pledges. Like in Native Americans, many tribes named their children based on events that occurred or perhaps animals seen on or near the day of the birth. Also, if a parent had a vision that they felt was a sign for the child, they would get the name from the events they witnessed in their vision. A name, Zhaawaabanokwe, translated means "Southern Morning Woman", or other translated names like Flying Eagle, Walking Bear, Two Horses, etc.,
Now that's a funny tradition is it not. Well, then just take a look at some unconventional methods of naming an individual. In our community, people are named out of the traditions as well. Many people have nicknames which are given to them by their friends, family members and others.
I'm sure we all would have our own, personal, private and sometime public nicknames. Gabidas,(That's not a brand name, but that's my nickname) is what my uncle calls me since I was a kid. Gabo - means a fool, Das is a suffix (just as in Kalidas, Surdas). If I compare it with Native American tradition, when he would have seen me for the first time, I would have looked like a fool. In that case, if I understand the meaning literally its quite an offensive name. But this is how he calls me lovingly. Another uncle of mine calls me by the name of Chakalal (Chaka - means male sparrow). You are laughing aren't you?
Not just the family even friends name you. Like school friends call me JB (Jay Bhatt). Short and sweet isn't it. Aha ! not just JB, there are funny points to it as well. There are few stalls in Bhavnagar with the name of JB Golawala ( Ice Candy) and JB Manjawala ( Kite Strings). And many of my friends do not call me just JB, but they also suffix Golawala or Manjawala. I've observed a tradition of tweaking my name such as Jayla, Bhattudi and even JBda... Few other names like Fatehsinh (when we went to Ranthambore) and sometimes Lavaara (The blabbermouth) and what not..
Even after getting all these names, it also means how close I was, am, or would be to a person who tends to tweak my name. At times some people who doesn't like you may change your name, but who cares. All in all, getting a name apart from a registered one adds to the memories attached to the naamkaran. I am happy to have all these names and u're all welcome to give me few more...
Rgds,
Bhattya
Rgds,
Bhattya
Friday, April 16, 2010
Falling in Love - All over again
Falling in love, Falling in love,
Falling in love, All over again,
Is she the one? for her, I am the one?
These questions I ask, All over again
I like her smile, I like her laugh,
Is what I feel, All over again
Falling in love, Falling in love,
Falling in love, All over again,
I saw her I felt, She's not so naive
I met & felt it, All over again
She has bright eyes, She has her locks
She looks so fine, All over again
Falling in love, Falling in love,
Falling in love, All over again,
We had some fun, We had some laugh,
We strolled around, All over again,
She looked at me, I looked at her,
I felt serene, All over again
Falling in love, Falling in love,
Falling in love, All over again,
Heart says yes, Mind says no,
What should I do?, Oh not again!
I want to tell, and her to know,
What do I feel, All over again.
Falling in love, Falling in love,
Falling in love, All over again,
Monday, April 12, 2010
Salsa... Lets SPIN.... Bar 2
(4)
15th Jan2010
I had decided to join SALSA. All determined, all set to go ahead. I reached the place 30 minutes before the time, although the class was scheduled from 09:30PM to 10:30PM. I was having goose bumps, don't know why. I met Mr Taral, and had a small chat regarding why I wanted to join the class. He explained me how do they operate and what have they done till date. Every information passed on was getting me in. I wanted to start the class as soon as I can.
"Since you are early and you have missed the previous two sessions, I would suggest you go to the next room, where BABITA is revising previous two classes." said TARAL.
"OK, I'll do that." and I moved towards the room.
I knocked at the door as it was closed.
"YES?".
"May I come in?"
"Oh yes, please come in."
I entered the room, it was almost empty. They were three.
"Mr. Taral has asked me to meet Babita."
"Hey, Hi I am BABITA, and you are?", she asked.
"Jay." I replied. Suddenly I recognized her as one of the instructor who came to our office two years back. I was still remembering the previous session at our office when...
"Are you dancing for the first time?"
"No.. I mean Yes. I have joined a dance class for the first time."
"Oh. So just small moves here and there in the parties right?"
"Yeah. Sort of"
"Alright, come, join the class."
I stood besides the other two in the class, who also seemed to have missed the previous two sessions like me.
"Listen. Since Jay has just joined us we'll revise a bit of basics, ok? When your legs are apart, it is known as Jazz 2, when they are near, it is known as Jazz 1 and when both the legs are kept parallel, it is known as Convenient Jazz. Alright?
"Yes, I got it"
And we moved along with the steps. The counting of steps was the same as 2 years back. Every bar was divided into set of 8 steps and then the next.
"Alright lets get into the class. Its almost 9:30"
We moved to the next room where few others were present.
(5)
"Alright everyone, lets get along with the exercise. We'll stretch a bit and then we'll dance", said Babita.
I was a bit curious. I had seen many exercises, right from stretching to aerobics. How on earth these people will have a different set of exercise. Why would they need to exercise before dancing? Dancing itself is a form of exercise. I guess I was wrong. The exercise which I did was entirely different. Never in my life I had been through one which I experienced. The music started and we went ahead with the exercise.
The exercise consisted dance steps that would loosen up the muscles. It would stretch our muscles to a level where body would feel the flexibility.
"Ok, so now we'll get down on the floor and join our legs in a V shape."
"Everyone, hold your ankles and lean towards it. Try and touch your forehead to the ankle. I guess it would be stiff for few of us but, we'll get used to it."
The music started again and did few more pulling and pushing. Finally we were asked to lie down flat on the floor, as we were supposed to do the crunches. Cruching exercise is good for those who have a jelly belly. I was one of those jelly bellies.
"It is going to get hard on me. But nevertheless i'll have to give it a shot." I thought.
"Remember few basics while doing crunches.
1. Make sure that you are lying straight and your back is touching the ground.
2. Look up towards the ceiling and feel as if you are trying to kiss it. In this way your neck will remain straight.
3. Do not pull your neck when going up. Instead, pull your body from the torso. This will create a better impact on the body and not the neck.
4. Also when we are going up for a crunch, we'll go 50% to 100% and not from 0% to 100%.
5. Finally, do not look through your crotch, as it will create a load on your neck, which is wrong.
So remember these five rules, OK?"
"OK"
The music started again and we did 2 sets of 20 counts with a pause of 10 between each set. The first set went very well. But when the second one started, we felt the stiffness in our stomach and it was getting harder to go ahead with the counts. But the music helped us to get through those tiring counts.
"Alright everyone, roll from any one side and get up. We'll start dancing."
(6)
"Since there are few new joinees here, we'll start with the basics." and then Babita narrated the same Jazz positions which I got introduced few minutes back.
"Today, we'll start with Latin American Moves and... ..........."
My mind didn't go blank. I recalled the same words which I heard two years back. LATIN AMERICAN MOVES.
"So lets do it"
"Lets go ahead with the counts first.. 5 , 6 , 7 YOU GO ! 1, 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8........"
We moved ahead with the 1st BAR, and then repeated it till we all got it right. Well, you would have known by now that it didn't take me long to catch up with the steps. LATIN AMERICAN MOVES. I had done it before, two years back, the same steps. Gradually, we moved on to 3 more Bars and and repeated all over again. Things were looking quite easy to me. Even I was able to include my hip movement.
"Waah, maja aave chhe", I thought.
Till that time we were doing our steps on counts. It was time for the music. And guess what, the song that was played was quite fresh n peppy. ZOOBI DOOBI (Remix) from 3 IDIOTS. The beats made us tap our feet before we actually started our bars.
"Balram! aage aajao and do it with us", said Babita. Balaram, is also one of the instructor at SPIN. Later on I discovered that he too was working with my organization few years back.
"5, 6, -- 5, 6, 7 you Go......Zoobi doobi, Zoobi doobi, pampaara, Zoobi doobi, param paaa.....
We did all 4 Bars on the music and repeated it twice. I followed Balaram whenever I lost the track of the steps. But, I was thrilled at the flow which we were going.
"Lets do it one more time and then we'll split for a break 5, 6, -- 5, 6, 7 you Go...."
We took a water break. We needed one. Almost everyone of us was sweating in spite of AC and fans.
"You are doing nice, Jay. You have it in you", said Babita during the break. I don't know whether it was the girl or the complement, but I decided to finish what I had started.
"I'll complete this batch. All remaining 13 sessions." I thought. I was determined.
We moved ahead with 3 more bars, taking the total to 7 bars. I had Balaram in front of me who kept on instructing our side of the batch. Finally, we did the entire set for the last time. We were tired completely and I could feel it in my joints.
My first day of SALSA, infact first day ever when I had joined a dance class. By the end of the session I was anticipating more thrilling experience for the days to come.
I was all set for "5, 6, -- 5, 6, 7 you Go...."
Contd...
Salsa...Lets Spin .... Bar 1
(1)
6th March'2008
"Hello All,
We have organized a SALSA DANCE DEMONSTRATION event on 7th & 8th March. Further details are given hereunder:
Date/Time: 7th March - 11pm (Friday) & 8th March 12 noon (Saturday)
Place : 9th floor , GNFC Infotower.
Duration 30 minutes.
Please inform your team members about the same..
Regards,
HR Manager"
"Arey this is a good initiative taken by our HR team. Shall we go there?" I asked, on reading the mailer.
"Haan haan, sure kyu nahi. We'll go. Aur vaise bhi tujhe yea sab to pasand hai hi.", said Partho.
"Time bhi suitable hai. Chal sakte hai."
We reached there by 12:10PM in the cafeteria where the setup was made and two instructors were getting along with the counts. Although we were late, there were very few participants. Only 5 of us were in the ring, while others were watching us.
I just joined them and started following the instructor.
Hi my name is Mayur," said one of the instructor. There was another female along with him but couldn't catch her name. After all who was interested in knowing names. All I thought was to groove and groove as much as I can.
The instructor said we'll be going ahead with Latin American Moves which gradually converts in to SALSA dance form. The steps were quite basic with step forward, step to the side, step backwards. Initially it looked easy. It got a bit stiff when the instructor asked to include the hip movement along with the steps. Graceful, it looked. They divided the entire dance steps in to 8 counts so that a proper co-ordination can be established.
"It seems that we are quite good at these LATIN AMERICAN moves. All of us are doing good so shall we move ahead?", asked Mayur.
"YESSSSSSS", came the roar from rest of us. This time the viewers also added to the sound.
"We have seen the basic steps of SALSA, and now we would learn the basics of HIP HOP. I am sure u all know what HIP HOP is. It has got more of bouncy movements and steps are full of energy.," Mayur added.
I was all set to continue. Whether it was SALSA or HIP HOP or anything else. All I thought was "Lets do it". And we started with HIP HOP.
The modus operandi was same for the steps in HIP HOP as well. 8 counts for every bar. "BAR" that's what they called the set of 8 counts.
I had seen dance shows and videos where various dance forms were presented. And here although not at an international level, I was performing, on the 9th Floor. It felt great. Not only because the steps were good, bouncy and energetic, but also because of the music that was played. Few of the sound tracks, I could recognize, and rest although not familiar were irresistible. We moved along with the steps till the 4th BAR.
"So now we'll revise the LATIN AMERICAN MOVES & HIP HOP from the top", said Mayur. I knew we were nearing the end of the session. The time flew very quickly. But yes, we did revise the steps and in between I got compliments too from MAYUR. Although not professional performance by us, I got quite good at it.
We finished with both set of dance steps. We were sweating like a cotton drenched in water, but who cared we wanted to do it more. However, the time did not permit the extension.
I liked it, the entire experience was good. Excellent. I performed good. Yes I did. Mayur started distributing the visiting cards to those who would want to join their dance academy.
We sat there while going through some enquiries and tables where we discovered SHASHI KUNJ was the place for cultural activites. Many picutures and posts were on the wall with various renowned artists performing.
(2)
13th Jan'2010
We were downstairs for a cup of tea when a topic of fitness and regime came up. Few of us standing there suggested that gymnasium provides a better option of keeping fit while other were of the opinion that dancing too can help in shaping up.
Suddenly we recalled the demonstration that was held in our office two years back. I thought of the participation we had at that time. Further I could realize that the dacne academy from where the tutors came was near by.
"Yaar ek baar to join karne jaisa hai kyu?" I said
"Woh to pichli baar bhi sochha tha. Join to kiya nahi." Partho re-iterated.
"Haan par phir to mein Jaipur chala gaya tha na sir. Chalo abhi inquiry karke aate hai."
"Tu Jaa, mujhe koi dance wance nahi karna. Haan par kuch exercise ka schedule ho to dekh sakhte hai. Something more substantial you know!"
"Par uske liye vaha jaana padega na. Chalo to sahi. Zyada time bhi nahi lagega"
So then, Me and Partho went along the place nearby. The name of the institute read Shashi Kunj.
We were downstairs for a cup of tea when a topic of fitness and regime came up. Few of us standing there suggested that gymnasium provides a better option of keeping fit while other were of the opinion that dancing too can help in shaping up.
Suddenly we recalled the demonstration that was held in our office two years back. I thought of the participation we had at that time. Further I could realize that the dacne academy from where the tutors came was near by.
"Yaar ek baar to join karne jaisa hai kyu?" I said
"Woh to pichli baar bhi sochha tha. Join to kiya nahi." Partho re-iterated.
"Haan par phir to mein Jaipur chala gaya tha na sir. Chalo abhi inquiry karke aate hai."
"Tu Jaa, mujhe koi dance wance nahi karna. Haan par kuch exercise ka schedule ho to dekh sakhte hai. Something more substantial you know!"
"Par uske liye vaha jaana padega na. Chalo to sahi. Zyada time bhi nahi lagega"
So then, Me and Partho went along the place nearby. The name of the institute read Shashi Kunj.
"But I thought iska naam SPIN ACADEMY tha. "
"Anyways under jaake pata karte hai."
We sat there while going through some enquiries and tables where we discovered SHASHI KUNJ was the place for cultural activites. Many picutures and posts were on the wall with various renowned artists performing.
While inquiring about the batch for SALSA we came to know that the batch has already started. I felt a bit disheartened. Because by that time I was all set to join the upcoming batch, which I thought was starting in next 2 days. However, my face brightened up as the person there said I can join the ongoing batch. Only 2 sessions had passed by. I thought of joining the same immediately. The person there asked me to try the classes once and then maybe I can pay the fees and continue.
Sounded like a good deal to me. After all who in this world wants their product to be tested and then purchased and that too on an individual basis.
(3)
Contd....
14th Jan2010
I was thinking of joining the session. I thought to give it a try. But the price for the session, surprised me. It was 1950 for 16 hrs, every Friday and Saturday, and I had already missed 2 sessions. Gujjus, have a tendency to calculate ROI on almost everything. But it would surprise anyone intending to join such lessons for the first time. Moreover, there were no testimonials with me regarding their proficiency.
I was driving back home, when I suddenly recalled one of my acquaintance had done a batch with SPIN. I gave a call to her.
"Hey, Nidhi,
"Hi, kya haal hai?, came the voice from the other side of the phone.
"Arey yaar tune pehle SALSA ke classes kiye hai na?", I straightaway jumped to the topic.
"Haan Spin se kiya hai!"
"SPIN? Great. Infact I was planning to join and thought to get a second opinion. How good are they?."
"See, If you are planning for SALSA, you'll need a partner, however that should not bother you if you like dancing. Moreover, they'll also teach other dance forms such as HIP HOP, JIVE etc.. cause it does happen at times that females are less in the sessions."
"Oh. But then how good are they? Is it worth joining SPIN?" I threw couple of questions.
"Yes, Yes. No problem. They are good besides they have their regular show batches and they have been doing this for quite a few years now."
And then she narrated her experience during her batch. The feedback was positive and I made up my mind to forge ahead. Getting a second opinion helped me take decision for which I was quite skeptical.
Contd....
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