Few days ago... had nothing to do...was getting bored... thought to take a break...went downstairs.. asked for a cigg...smoked it through... puffed it thoroughly... had a mouth freshener...came back up..went to the basin... sanitized my hands... went back to my desk.... repeated this for 3 times more that day.....
Next day woke up early... felt like a heavy chest... never experienced it before.... could not judge why it happened...tried to breathe extensively... couldn't manage it....thought to sit up straight... was feeling more vulnerable... chest was getting heavier.... somehow managed to get up... felt like a vacuum inside... air was not getting filtered...tried to breathe even harder...the pain was getting severe... mind went blank... thoughts were gone... nothing on my mind... felt like an end...
I started to ponder...was this permanent... was it temporary... what could be the reason... is it my habit... might be one of the reason...got ready for office... took along the pain... although not hard... the chest was still in shock... so was my mind... saw people at the stall... few of them smoking... others sipping tea... first time in my life... didn't bother to look there more... started hating the smoke... the mere smell of it...went upstairs to the office... sat on my desk... i had eluded the craving...was too early to tell... colleagues came by...asked me for a fag...i denied to join... i was surprised and so were others.... but i did what i said... i didn't join them...
Next day was lighter... although with the pain... severity was gone... could get up easily... took a deep breath... it was fresh than before...came to office... evaded the smoke yet again... was feeling confident about it...went back home with more conviction....next day was holiday... was at home... managed to stay at home... this time without the thought of smoke...
With the new week starting... have decided to avoid the circumstances... the one which may lead to that habit... the heavy chest was indication... i should have stopped it long ago... i want to live... i want to enjoy... i want to be with people i know... for a long long time... smoke would make me weak... would make me vulnerable... would keep me away from the dear ones i have...would keep me away from the beauty of life...
This uninvited experience... made me see... death on my chest.... and if i say...death like this is no beauty...
3 comments:
... even I want too !! lekin commitment ki kami hai... aur ye bachpan se hai !! good, very good, its bad!! I follow you from this moment on !!
great to know !!!happy that you realize at very early stage of life…small stress of life made ppl smoke….eventually that smoke itself becomes lifelong stress….... a small request to everyone who love smoking..love your life as passive pollution smoking is more than enough for us here in our weather ..…. Yeah but on Saturday !!!! that’s fine ;-)
That's very nice jay sir!!!
This is 1st step you taken just like ur positive writing.
If you decide than leave it for all days till you alive.
Goooooooooodddddddddddd
Keeeeeeepppppp it uuuuuuupppppppp!!!
Atleast give ice-cream treat for this good news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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