Today as I write this down, my heart is sinking for some unknown reason. Never felt it before, but a grudge, a silence, a stupid notion, an ambiguity, an uncertainty, an unexpected chill is running through the spine. My eyes have started brimming up and the heart beats have gone heavy enough to realize something unusual has happened or is about to happen. I just don't know What.
My thoughts are crucifying my feelings at every instance. I am yet to understand why such irregular behavior has got into me. Usually, I've been a person who loves to speak, loves to listen. I've never been in a situation where I am unable to find someone to speak with. Somehow, the listeners for me are no more around, or maybe, I am unable to see them. It must be due to the translucent view that I have against my eyes. Don't know Why.
There are good news and bad news and then there are news that are hard to judge, GOOD or BAD. Well good news generally lightens up the environment. But in my case I am not even moved or doesn't even feel like tapping a feet even once. Dilemma and Desperation, is something I am unable to justify. For the first time in my life I feel like I am at a cross road which has no exit. No direction, no indication. Intuitions are also not helping. Feel like getting out of this. I wonder When.
I've started blaming others for something or the other and sometimes with no evident reason. I have started refraining from others for an instance or the other. Does one person change the way you think, the way you behave? I've learnt things the way they came. Relationships was my forte. But now things are quite the opposite. Once full of fun have now nowhere to run. I was never like this. I suspect someone behind this. Need to find out Who.
It's true that things do not happen the way we want. And then things happen the way we don't even expect them to. Waving a simple Hi has become more tedious than fixing a shoe lace. Doing something for the sake of doing it has become a style of working. Neglecting an important person has become a wonderful obsession. Rude jesting is the new code of conduct. Apprehension has become the act of dignity. It's time I should change. Just don't know How.
2 comments:
I think you getting new Jay Bhatt in you so, recognise him as you...
You will get all answer from you only.
Listeners are there for you, its that you don't see them OR you are a bit shy not to speak your heart to them.
My advice: get organized, practice patience,empty your in-box, enjoy simple pleasures, be present, loose arguments, get into the flow, enjoy the little things, be lazy...
Ye zindgi gamo ka melaa hai,
kahin gam to kahin khushi ki belaa hai,
manzil milti nahi aasani se yahan
mujhse puchho maine ye sab kuch jhelaa hai..
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