Thursday, September 10, 2015

War of the Worlds !


For what we think is in our control, it never is. Control here is a subjective term in reference to the the medium through which peace is maintained. I've come across a lot of news where people, in fact every individual wants to control happenings around them. As they say, mine should be the last word in the doing, or mine shalt be done.

From the worldly chaos to the domestic unrest, everywhere an act of dominance is demonstrated, somewhere unpleasantly, somewhere ruthlessly. A look into it might give an insight to the cause, but I wonder what would such insight mean even if the act would continue knowingly. The gory act of violence seems to the easiest way to the subjective resolution. We already have two World Wars in our History Text Books for 10 marks in the exam.

All the learned leaders are trying hard to maintain peace to avoid the third World War and striving hard to keep it that way and as a result are ignoring the fact that the war has already begun. Or rather the war was never over. The gaps are merely the rest between the battles.

Whatever one might do to stop the wars, whatever one might strive to attain the dominance, it is and it shall remain the fact that until Darwin's theory, Survival of the fittest prevails, these wars will never end.

DESIRE defines the WANT.
WANT raises DEMAND.
DEMAND meets with DENIAL.
DENIAL creates OBSESSION.
OBSESSION generates AGGRESSION
AGGRESSION turns to CONFLICT
CONFLICT motivates an ATTACK
ATTACK ends up in FIGHT
FIGHT becomes to HOSTILE
HOSTILITY generates CASUALTIES
CASUALTIES evokes REVENGE
REVENGE leads to DESIRE

and the cycle continues....



Saturday, August 15, 2015

आज जश्न-ए-आज़ादी है



हर साल नारे लगते है, खौलती नई जवानी है,
इतिहास में हम जीते, और कहते आज जशन-ए-आज़ादी है|

चेहरे पे नक़ाब है, कड़वी हर ज़ुबानी है,
होंठो पे नकली हंसी, आज जशन-ए-आज़ादी है|

अपना करे तो नादानी, बगल का करे तो शैतानी है,
हर बात पे खिंचा तानी, आज जशन-ए-आज़ादी है|

जो तेरा है वह मेरा है, यही सच्ची कहानी है,
जैसे सब कब्र तक जायेगा, आज जशन-ए-आज़ादी है|

हो बाबरी या मंदिर, सब चाहें अपनी निशानी है,
भेद भाव के इस पंडाल पे, आज जशन-ए-आज़ादी है|

नए अंदाज़ में हर कही, बात वही पुरानी है,
कर भला न हो भला,  आज जशन-ए-आज़ादी है|

कही एक नया सूरज, कहीं एक रवानी है,
कहते है नया दिन निकला, क्या यही जशन-ए-आज़ादी है?

- जय भट्ट
१५-०८-२०१५






Tuesday, August 4, 2015

I Chose !


Recently I've come across a lot of posts on social media where they talk a lot about self motivation, self respect, self drive, selfie.. etc... 

All I thought what common in these words was "self". Where many people claim to live for others, the truth is most of them think about is self. Heard a lot about internal motivation to internal influential points which might have a lot of significance in literary terms, yet no relevance practically. But then who cares, or rather why should somebody care. Well the fact is again nobody cares, but us. And that I believe is a truth. Some admit it, some refrain it. 

Hah! so then when we talk about self,... Me, I, My, Mine, are sort of synonyms to self. Well actually they are, both in literary and practical terms. 

For Me, I had My own dreams and they were Mine... Now this makes complete sense right! Well yes it does. When dreams are for Me, I see them, they are My own and they are Mine,... they immediately become my property... my possessions. And what good are you if you don't take care of your possessions and in the process of caring about them loosing interest. Well I have met lot of people who always want to pursue their dreams in a sense where they wish to be the best in what they want to choose. Most of them start with the phrase... "One Day!...and they continue....and then again with a sigh they end their talk looking at the horizon... with a glass in the hand... with the same phrase... One Day!

I am sure when it comes to the differentiation between dreams and desires, there is a fine line. Nobody wants to spot the difference, but wants it anyway. Personally I do look up to a bunch of people who always make me think higher. Like we have a saying in our native language.... નિશાન ચૂક માફ, નહિ માફ નીચું નિશાન ..."You're allowed to miss the aim, not to lower it".. I wonder if its an apt translation. And yes, most of the people choose to aim higher as per their desires and dreams. And then you see some of them laying back hoping things to happen on their own. Nothing wrong in it if you are the one who feels like the king of lazyland. But once you choose to desire or dream, you have to choose to act on it. 

I had people who always thought that I hardly looked or sounded like a guy who would solemnly pursue what I wish for. Well that was true and they were correct. They had all the right to say that as that's how I was. I wished for a lot, desired for the most and dreamt to be the greatest... well like everyone does... I have friends, who wanted to be sportsman, a photographer, a journalist, an adventurer, a singer, a musician and what not. It elates me when I see many of them pursuing and living their dreams. 

I Chose ! to be one of them... I Chose to live my dream

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

SAATH REHNA... PAAS REHNA

SAATH REHNA, PAAS REHNA,
MERE DIL KI AAS REHNA,
ZINDA HOON MAIN, YAAR JAB TAK,
ZINDAGI KI SAANS REHNA,

SAATH REHNA, PAAS REHNA,
MERE DIL KI AAS REHNA,
ZINDA HOON MAIN, YAAR JAB TAK,
ZINDAGI KI SAANS REHNA,

RAAT DIN MEIN SOCHTA HOON, TERI HAR EK BAAK KO,
AAYE JAB TU SAAMNE TO CHOOMU TERE HAATH KO,
PAL YEA APNA, EK SAPNA, MUJSE DOOR YOU AB NA REHNA
ZINDA HOON MEIN, YAAR JAB TAK,
ZINDAGI KI SAANS REHNA

DIL MEIN REHNA MUJSE KEHNA, DIL KI HAR EK RAAZ KO,
SUNTA HOON AAWAZ TERI, LABZ DO MERE SAAZ KO,
AANKHE TERI, JHUKTI HAI TO, PALKON SE YU MUJHSE KEHNA,
ZINDA HOON MEIN, YAAR JAB TAK,
ZINDAGI KI SAANS REHNA

SAATH REHNA, PAAS REHNA,
MERE DIL KI AAS REHNA,
ZINDA HOON MAIN, YAAR JAB TAK,
ZINDAGI KI SAANS REHNA,

Monday, April 23, 2012

Kashmakash


(1)



“Hello! Who’s this?”

“It’s me Mr. Sharma.”

“Oh yes, Tell me Mr. Sharma, What happened?”

“Ah Hello you must……”

“Hello? Hello?”

The call got disconnected. It seemed that he had no intention of talking to Mr. Sharma. He did not bother to call the same number back. Instead he drove his car and reached at a canal.

He stepped out of the car and walked towards the edge of the canal. His face was blank as ever. He climbed on the ledge gave one last look at the water and SPLASH!

(2)


He opened his eyes and saw many people surrounded him. All of them were leaning on him and talking to each other. Finally he was brought to consciousness. He still had some water in his stomach which he vomited out.

“Who are you? What is your name?” shouted a man standing by.

“Huh!” He tried to understand what was happening around him. He tried to get up when he was pushed back.

“Tell me who are you and why did you jump in the water?” asked another man from the crowd.

“Who are you all, and who asked you save me?” he asked.

“Arey, Wah!, Look at this fellow. We saved his life and now he demands an answer from us?, shouted the first man angrily.

“I want to go!” he said.

“Do one thing; take him to the police station. He’ll not understand otherwise” said the second man and pulled him up

(3)

He is brought to the police station. He sees many are waiting for their turn to be scrutinized by the police. He hears shouting from a room nearby. Doesn’t bother much about it. He’s still in state of trauma. He breaks into tears.
--------------------------------------------------

(3.1)

“Will you be my Valentine?” he asked

“Arey you kidding?” she asked

“Do you want me to?” he falls on his knees.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked

“Because I love you so.” He replied

“Then its fine. I’ll be your Valentine”

They both laugh out loud and look at the greeting card of their 3rd anniversary lying on the table.
--------------------------------------------------



(4)

“Sirji, this guy tried to kill himself. He jumped in the canal. He doesn’t even answer who he is. We did not find his wallet or his identity proof.” Said the havaldar.

“Please let me go, I want to go.” he said

“Shut up, you’ll speak only when you’re asked to”, said the Inpector

“Speak up who are you? Inspector saab ko tum jaante nahi ho!, phir wo apni tarah se ugalwaenge!”, said havaldar


“Now come on tell me who are you and who else are there in your family?” asked the Inspector

--------------------------------------------------

(4.1)

“Maaaa, Baaba….. Shoba!, where are you all, I’ve got news for you!” he shouted

“Arey, where is everyone? Koi jawab to do!” he shouted again


His mother walked out of her room.

“Why are you shouting? Have you gone mad?” asked his mother.

“Hey mom, if you’d listen, you too will go mad. You know, today in our office…” he said excitedly when his mother interrupted.

“Go and tell it to Shobha. I don’t know why you married her”

“Now what? Did you both have a fight again? Where is she?” he asked.

“Where else, she’d be in her room. Must be crying.. I don’t know.”

--------------------------------------------------



(5)


“Hmmm, so that’s why you jumped in the canal. You are such a coward, although you look like quite an educated and mature guy.” Said the inspector.

“Sir, we’ve received the post mortem report. Here it is.” Said the havaldar

“Hmmm, what’s her name, Shobha! 1/3 Shivajinagar, Janpath Road,

 Yea suicide ke case itne badh gaye hai… Ek yea Shobha aur ek yea… Kya naam hai re tera?” asked the inspector.

“Kya kaha aapne Shobha? 1/3 Shivajinagar? Janpath Road?, he asked

“Haan par tu kya karega jaan kar, tu pehle apna naam bata?” asked the inspector

“Arey Rajesh! Tum yaha…Sab tumhe dhoondh rahe hai?” Asked Mr. Sharma, who was right behind the havaldaar.

“Aap ise kaise jaante hai?”, asked the inspector surprisingly.

“Arey Yea Shobha ka pati hai.” Mr. Sharma Replied

“Kya tu hai Shobha ka pati? Thik hai Mr. Sharma, aap do minute baithiye, Tu chal andar…

(5.1)

Havaldaar pulls Rajesh inside the room. Inspector follows.

“Achhaaa…. Ab samjha…Biwi ko maar kar khud paani mein kuud gaya… Waah beta, Tabhi sochhu tuje kuchh yaad kyu nahi aa raha hmmm...” said the Inspector

Maine aapni biwi ko nahi maara. Bhala mein use kyu maaroonga! Muje jaane dijiye saab, Meri biwi ghar pe raah dekh rahi hogi” pleaded Rajesh

“Abey Saale raah to woh teri upper dekh rahi hai, yea raha uska post-mortem”

“Nahi aisa kaise ho sakta hai”

“Yea raha uska suicide note”

(Rajesh reads the suicide note)

“Par isme kahi bhi mera naam nahi likha!” exclaimed Rajesh.

“Toh kya hua, Woh Mr. Sharma ne to bata diya na ke tu Shobha ka pati hai, court mein yehi saboot kaafi hai”, said the havaldaar.

“Main nahi maanta!” said Rajesh

“To kya ab tu teri biwi ki body dekhega!” asked inspector

“Haan, mujhe uski body dikaiye, tabhi yakeen hoga mujhe”

“Abey saale ek to tujhe kuchh yaad nahi hai….”

“Nahi please mujhe uski body dikhaiye….

“Thik hai bhai, court le jaane se pehle teri yea ichha bhi puri kar dete hai…Le jao isko”, said the inspector.



(6)

[Rajesh comes out shouting where Mr. Sharma notices him]

“Yea meri biwi nahi hai. Mein sach keh raha hoon… Yea meri biwi nahi hai…”

“Kya hua Rajesh, kyu chilla rahe ho”, asked Mr. Sharma

“Ajeeb aadmi hai, apni biwi ki shakal bhul gaya hai… Kehta hai under padi hui laash uski biwi ki nahi hai…”said the havaldaar.

“Abey, apni biwi ko maarke yeah kehta hai ke….?” Havaldaar raises his hand to hit Rajesh

“Rajesh, kaha the tum? Mein to samji thi ke…..” shouts a female from the back ground.

“Shobha tum?, exclaimed Rajesh,

[She gives a hug to Rajesh]

“To agar yea Shobha Tumhari biwi hai, aur woh mari hui Shobha nahi, to phir tu paani mein kyu kuda thha?” asked the inspector.

“Mein canal ke paas khada tha…..” Rajesh tries to remember.

(6.1)

[FLASHBACK]

Rajesh is standing near the wall of the canal. Suddenly, someone grabs him from behind. He is some thug who tries to find opportunity to steal the valuables from Rajesh. Rajesh resists, and looses his balance and eventually falls into the water. The thug runs away with his wallet and the car.

(6.2)

“Toh Phir Shobha ka pati kaha hai?” asks the Inspector...


Friday, December 23, 2011

Development - synonym to basic needs

Yes! There have been recent developments. "Development" for me means an upgrade or an uplift as one may call it. I am sure you'd want to know more about it. I guess the word development itself gives a state of feeling which shows a positive approach. Well, the answer is Yes, again.

For people who live in a typical "Indian" family, Roti, Kapda aur Makan is the ultimate target. "I need a job with a five figure salary in my account every 1st. I wish to buy some good pair of jeans." What else Roti & Kapada is done. I remember one dialouge from the film Lagaan,"Khaney ko routi nahi houga, pehen-ne ko kpre nahi hoga" meaning" You won't have bread to eat and you won't have clothes to wear".  And the people revolt in the movie and win by scoring in the cricket match. Ah! and makaan.. As the property rates go high and high it becomes unrealistic for a common man to dream about a house. But guess what, that's not all true.

In recent past, I've encountered a different species of human race. They don't know what ROTI, KAPDA or MAKAAN is... For them their life is all about their passion and interest in what they do. Infact their passion has taken a form of FOOD, CLOTHES and HOUSE. Sounds so stereotype... I wonder why.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Why is it that I can feel her only in my dreams? - The Conclusion - (Part - 6)


"Rain rain go away, come again another day"... That is what a child sings when it sees the rain. I was in no different state of mind. I too had sung the same song that day. But somewhere deep down a chill was running continuously through my spine. Deep down, I wanted it to pour down cats and dogs. It was like the sky meets the sand. This was the day when we were going to meet for the first time. First time ever in a manner which I was feeling for her. First time in a manner, when I was proposing a girl (atleast...)

"Aaj unse pehli mulakaat hogi,
Phir aamne saamne baat hogi,
Phir hoga kya kya pata kya khabar...

-----

I was waiting at the coffee shop that we both knew off. It was getting more and more tense before I could see her coming. I was keeping an eye on every similar vehicle which she rode. It started raining hard and I thought to check with her. But the phone remained unanswered. A sense of fear struck me. What if she's not coming? This rain.. .aaah... Why is it pouring down now? Should it not wait till the girl reaches the point. What if she doesn't come because of this? I'll never have a chance again. I might not be able to gather the courage to meet her.

Trring Trring... Trring Trring..(I don't remember what was the ringtone of my cellphone), my cellphone rang. It was her.

"Kahaan pe khada hai tu?"

"I am standing at the main door."

"Ok.."

Before I could disconnect the call, she was right there in front of me. Aaaaah! she was right there.. There.. yes, there she was. I swear it was an disastrous moment for me. Ha ha ha.. I laughed.


We went inside and found a place at the corner. That was the only place remaining to be occupied. Even at that moment I felt that it was virtually reserved for us. Wow! the eternity was playing its part too.


"Hmm, so tell me. Kya hua achanak tuje?" She asked with a typical smile.

"Umm.. well ...aaa... u know it was like..umm..." I stuttered.

"Cool down, its ok.... aaram se bol"... she consoled me.

"You know, there were instances which led to...

"Arey, tuje nahi lagta yahaan pe bohot shor hai?, can we go to some place else?" she intterupted.

"Huh! yeah, we can, well we can go for a drive, in my car... Yeah infact, we can do that. Atleast shanti hogi gaadi mein"

"Ok Lets go" she confirmed

-----

We drove all the way in the city for almost an hour and half. I initiated by telling her about what I felt and what I expect out of this conversation. She listened carefully. I fumbled a thousand times when I tried telling her  looking into her eyes. I stuttered while using English and I lost the words while telling her things in Hindi.

"Its ok Jay, u can use Gujarati if you want.." she consoled again while smiling.

The meeting went well. We went to our regular tea stall. I narrated everything about my engagements in the past. She was still listening it, while giving the verbal nods. I felt like I was almost there. But, but, I didn't propose her. Instead....

"See, I don't expect any answer from you, not atleast now. Cause I just felt telling you how I feel about you and seriously I do not care anything about your answer. All I wanted to do was to tell you how I feel. So faltu ka load mat lena.".....

But I knew by tell her this, mein faltu ka load lay raha tha.

She kept on listening, and she questioned me few things to which I answered promptly. All the while talking to her I was too busy in maintaining my mood, such that she doesn't feel offended.

-----

Finally the day came. She buzzed me on the messenger. It was her turn to tell me her side of the story. The day when I told her everything, I was the one who talked. Now, she was doing all the talking. She gave all her reasons, the way I did. She told everything from her side, the way I did. She told everything about how she feels about me, the way  I did.

She was at relief and so was I. She was at content and so was I. We talked further and things started to roll...It rolled the way we both concluded.

-----

Rainy season, this year. It was raining heavily. Heartily is an understatement. The message from the girl elated me. We were going to enjoy the rains. She confirmed her arrival, while I was waiting for it sitting at my desk in the office. The day was over for me and I moved down for a ride on her moped....It was raining within...

Monday, July 4, 2011

Why is it that I can feel her only in my dreams? - The Revealation - (Part - 5)

No wonder how strong a person is, Love tests the truth in one's patience and tolerance. I've been through this but I was....

Falling in love, Falling in Love,
Falling in Love, All over again.

Is she the one?, for her, I am the one?
These questions I ask, All over again
I like the smile, I like the laugh,
Is what I feel, all over again.

Heart says yes, Mind says no,
What should I do? Oh not again,
I want to tell, and her to know
What do I feel, all over again

---

It was a pretty awesome situation and even more awful. Awesome it was because of the feeling, awful because I couldn't share it with anyone. I remember one of the song from one of her favourite movie(I guess).

Nigaahon mein dekho meri jo hain bas gaya,
Woh hai milta tumse hu ba hu,
Jaane teri aankhein thi ya, baatien thi wajah,
Hue tum jo dil ki aarzo,
Tum paas hoke bhi, tum aas hoke bhi,
Ehsaas hokey bhi, apne nahi aise hai
Humko gile, tum se na jaane kyun

After that conversation, it was pretty much obvious that things were going to change. Although it was quite uncertain, I was clear about what I was going through. I had no regret, no feeling of guilt. It was an original feeling. I felt like a Phoenix, that rises from the ashes. Well, there were no ashes, and I was no Phoenix, but I was rejuvenating. All I can say that it was so beautiful. We met couple of times after that, but she was not aware about what I going through. Even a single glance made me feel on top of the world. Why not?

There were no reasons when I realized my feelings. But, now my eyes were looking for one, and I found many. It's like you have found a treasure and now you evaluate why is it so valuable. I was yet not able to find the answers to my questions, but I definitely knew that She is the only answer to my questions.

---

As the days went by, the feeling got even more stronger. Stronger to the height that it was impossible to return. But who wanted to return? All I wanted was to get to the peak. I was only half the way towards the peak. Yes, she was yet to know what I was feeling. I chose not to tell her anything. I had a fear of loosing a friend. Infact, I had made a girl as a friend after a very long time. I've seen situations like this around me, when things become complicated just because a girl/boy reveals the feeling to the special one. But it was not helping me. Help is what I needed. After all how good is it if you don't tell someone that you love him/her? Well, it is very good untill your assumptions break. My assumption was limited to my thoughts. Everytime you need a kick or a hit on your head to realize. A moment of truth again.

I learnt she was moving away forever. Away from the friends, people, ME. Abhi to kahani shuru bhi nahi hui thi aur khatam bhi ho gai. Now what? What should I do? I couldn't tell about her to anyone, not even to my closest buddies. Whole day was like a year to me. I never wanted it to be the last day where I could think of her. I was very well convinced that she never had any other thoughts about me. But still, naa zor dil pe chale....

I picked up my cell and dialled her number

"Hey... kya haal chaal?

"Arey ekdam maza... Tu bata kya chal raha hai?"

"Umm.. thik hi chal raha hai...but.. a..ea" I stuttered.

"Well kya baat hai? Kem atke chhe atlo badho?"

"You know I was framing words for what I wanted to tell you?"

"Tujhe kabse sentences frame karne ki zaroorat padne lagi hai, Non-stop baat karte waqt framing kaha jaata hai tera...ha ha ha.. but bol naaa... kya hua?" that "bolnaaaaa"... is a typical way of her to emphasise. I could sense her anxiety, her restlessness and her irritation.

"Aa its like, you know,... I was kind of having different feelings for you....

"What? kya feelings? Saaf saaf bolnaa...!

"I mean, wohi special kind of feeling, not the regular kind of you know?"

"No I don't know.. Wait... Tu mazaak to nahi kar raha hai na?"

"Nahi yaar... mein zara bhi mazaak nahi kar raha"

"Are you serious?" God damn I was so serious

"Ok.. Lets do one thing... why don't we meet up? I'd want to say this when you are in front of me?"

There I said it... I had the gut feeling that I would ask her to meet me. And guess what I did it... Yes...Yess...

"But do you think it would make a difference if we meet.. I mean.. you know.."

"See I am not worried about the out come.. But I would not want to regret my whole life not telling you what I feel about you.... so...

"Ok ok....

"Suggest a place if you know one(God what a fool I was to ask her to meet at the place of her choice, wherein I was the one who invited her).. maybe some coffee shop..

"Ah okkay...(that's the typical way she says OK...huh!)

And we decided to meet at a place which we both knew...

Monday, April 25, 2011

Why is it that I can feel her only in my dreams? - Realization - (Part - 4)

"YES", is very much a relative term.

Do you want money? YES, one would like to have it.
Do you want satisfaction? YES, one would want it.
Do you want success? YES, one would desire it.

Do you want to fall in love? Aah!, now that's a tricky question isn't it.

Of course it is. Well I know you'd have your ready answer if I ask you, and you'd blow it on my face, but, the truth is everyone wants to be loved, pampered and cared by someone special. It would be quite obvious if people say YES. What will you name a person who says NO? A moron, dumb, insensitive and unrealistic pig, who doesn't know the difference between puddle and pond. But tell me, what is the difference? Puddle is dirtier than pond or pond is more clean as compared to puddle, isn't it? So if YES is the pond and NO is the puddle, I'd prefer puddle. Seems like you are thinking, my past experience has made choose the puddle. I've lost my heart and I don't want to understand why pond is not necessary, isn't it? Aah! my answer is NO! see... ha ha ha...

Remember?, Deep down I had a feeling. There is somebody else... It was about time I realized, WHO?

                                                                                       ---

As the days were passing by, my conversation with friends would never cross beyond the topic of general discussion which usually people would have. Things were going fine, just the usual, ciggs and the tea and few jokes here and there. No doubt I was teased several times on not having a girlfriend and that made me giggle, blush and sometimes laugh. I don't know what people have in their mind while "selecting" a girl/boy as their love interest.

"Arey yaar tu koi girlfriend kyu nahin dhoondh leta?" As if the girlfriend is lying just around the corner. It sounded like asking for a cup of sugar from the neighbor.

"Arey bhai, ghar mein girlfriend khatam ho gayi thi, ek cup girlfriend milegi?"

I'd mostly remain silent to what these friend(s) of mine would ask? Sometimes though, I would revert with the same answer ... you know it...

"Arey mein to pasand kar bhi ...." .

I had been through all these conversations and conclusions before. One thing I knew, Love never happens intentionally. If it happens intentionally, it is Lust. Tum jaan bujh ke kisi se pyar nahi kar sakte. You'd have heard somebody asking," Kya aap mujhse dosti karengi/karoge?", but have you heard someone asking,"Kya aap mujse pyar karoge/karengi?" How ridiculous, isn't it?

                                                                                           ---

I've seen many friends falling in love and eventually getting married. I used ask them questions like,

1. What do you like about your beloved?
Ans. Oh! I like her/his smile.
         I like the way she/he looks at me.
         I like her/his eyes.
         (these are few of the answers that I've got, you can add it in your list)

2. What do you think about the nature of your beloved?
Ans. Oh! He/She is so caring.
        He/She is so supportive in whatever I do.
        He/She always ensures that I am not hurt.

3. Do you think your partner is sensible enough?
Ans. Oh! yes, of course. He/she always remembers my birthday..(Heh?)
        He/She always respects my feelings.
        He/She always treats my parents equally as his/her parents. (Oooh!)

4. So are these reasons enough to love that person?
Ans. Ah! yes, hamein aur kya chahiye, besides he/she might be also feeling the same right

This makes me remember a famous Gujarati song,

Tari aankh no afini, taara bol no bandhani,
Tara roop ni poonam no paagal eklo,

[I am doped by your eyes, I am bound by your words
I am the only crazy one mesmerised with your looks]

That seems to be the typical way of expression. Wonderful song by the way.

                                                                                   ---
I met her in a very usual circumstance. I had my hi and hello. And that's all I had. But that's all was not destined to. Days were passing by and so were the meetings. Still nothing bloomed. Whenever we met, we cracked jokes on things that we observed and we discussed about the creativity that exists in this world. All these was limited though, when on that day I learnt that she was ill.

A strong sensation ran through my spine and I felt almost a shiver through my body which made me recall those moments we shared. It was the moment of truth for me. For the first time I was having a different feeling while thinking about her. I just didn't know why? What if I loose her. You know thought runs faster than light and thus, I was on mars few secs back and now I was on earth. I had already thought a lot and now it was time to ask her how she was?

"Hey how are you doing? U not well?"
"Yes, halki si sardi aur zukham hai" (Haash, ab shanti hui)

All we had was Hi and Hello between us.  But still I was falling for it...I asked those questions to myself.

1. Was it because I liked something in her? I never noticed anything consciously
2. Was it because I liked something in her nature? It never clicked my mind
3. Did I ever judge her on sensibility? I never thought of it.
4. Was I having any reasons why I was falling for her? I am sure there is, but I find it hard to define, rather, its impossible for me to define it.

"NO" as an answer to these questions made me conclude on what I was going through... I was in Love...

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Why is it that I can feel her only in my dreams? - Conscience - (Part - 3)

I woke up with a new feeling. That song, was still loud in my ears. It was an experience that I wanted to have in reality. Nevertheless, dream it was and dream it remained. It was a mixed feeling which I had. I knew that girl I saw, but was completely unknown to me. I was confused. But, I was glad about one thing,"Mujhe bhi ladkiyo ke hi sapne aate hai".

Next day was full of bliss. I felt I had seen something eternal. I am sure you'd think how eternal it can be. Par, yea baat wohi samajh sakta hai jisko pyar ka matlab pata chalta ho. Huh! I was smiling all day. Many of my colleagues noticed this.

They asked me the reason behind my unusual smile, to which I replied," Haaah!, ab kya kahu, mujhe pyaar ho gaya hai!"

One of them replied,"Yea to iska roz kaa hai, kisina kisi se to ise pyar ho hi jaata hai."

"Haan, haan mein to dil phek aashiq hoon na, aur phir tum kya jaano pyar ka hota hai.. Pyar is like..."

"Bas be zyada hawa mein mat ud... Kisse pyar ho gaya hain tereko?"

"Mujhe? Mujhe pyar se pyaar ho gaya hai.(I am in love with love)"

Everybody laughed.
                                                                                      
My mohter on seeing the same smile asked,"Shu vaat chhe. Bau form ma laage chhe. Chhokri gami gai ke shu? Keto hoi to ena ghare jaine vaat kariye?"

"What? No its nothing like that. I am just happy today. Besides there are other reasons with me to be happy."

"Oh! eva to kaya kaaran chhe?"

I couldn't answer that and I blushed.

"Beta, I am your mother, ne hu taari Chhatthi jaanu chhu.(I know your sixth sense), tara maate ek navu maagu aavyu chhe keto hoi to aapde malva jaiye"

"Na na, eni jarur nai pade" I don't know why I replied that way.

"Em to pachhi tu ke tya jaiye."

I went straight to my room and wondered why did I say that.

                                                                                     ---

I was just finishing to browse when my friend pinged me. It was quite a surprise for me. She had never pinged me late in the evening. We rolled on with regular conversation. And the topic turned towards marriage and spouses. Somehow, I was talking to her with a different feeling. I just didn't know why.

"These guys in the office, they are such dogs. Na jaan na pehchan, bas aise hi propose kar dete hai!"

"Achha kya baat hai."

"Haan aur kya? I mean abhi 1 din bhi nahi hua aur date ke liye puchh lete hai. Arey date pe aise kaise chale jaayein. Thodi jaan pehchan badhe to thik hai!"

"To matlab agar jaan pehchan wala ho to uska chance hai, kyu?"

"Haan haan, ofcourse, but, chance hai, final nahi"

"So then I guess, if someone who knows you and you know that someone,a date can be arranged right?"

"Umm.. maybe.. but I am not sure"

"Well what if that someone is like me?"

"Toh mein soch bhi sakti hoon"

"Toh phir sochh aur phir mujhe bata"

That was the most unusual way a guy would have proposed a girl. Was that even a proposal? Yea right!

"Kya matlab? soch aur phir mujhe bata"

"Matalab ke soch aur phir mujhe bata."

"You are not serious, are you?"

"Mein bilkul serious hoon." I was still wondering why I was saying this. I am sure the girls like to be proposed in a more typical manner or rather an unusual manner. Unusual! I guess this was one of the innovative style.

"But, yaar .... I mean, tu mazaak to nahi kar raha hai?"

Girls like to be loved. They want someone to praise them, in true sense. They always feel that they should be desired. And when somebody does ask,,, they feel surprised. They don't feel like believing what they've just heard.

"Nahi yaar, mein mazaak nahi kar raha hoon"


The conversation continued... and I asked her to think about it for few days.

"Take your time... But don't desert on the answer"

                                                                             ---

Few days passed without any conversation. She didn't revert on what I had asked for. I understood what she would have thought. However, I did not want to assume anything. This interval gave me a chance to ponder on what I wanted. All this time, I was still wondering why did I "propose" her. That was not even a proposal. Somewhere deep in my heart I was not convinced with myself. How can a person, someone like me, fall for someone without L factor. A dream is a dream afterall. Its not reality. I recalled many dreams during my introspection which had similar experiences. I realized I was not in Love. I cannot fool a person if I am not in love.

It was getting lot more harder for me to tell her that what ever I said was just by fluke. Sounds crazy doesn't it. I was ready to accept YES as an answer, but deep down in my heart i yearned for a No. My conscience was shaking me. She was my friend and I should not lie to her about it.

Maamu let jaa, teri to waat lagne waali hai. I was thinking of a way to find out how to apologize to her when.,

"Busy hai?"

"Kuchh Khas nahi"

"Baat karni thi, free ho tab batana"

"Mein free hoon, tu bol, mein sun raha hoon"

"First of all, I am sorry that I didn't talk to you for last few days."

"Its ok, I am sure you would have stuck somewhere between your work and family. So tell me how's life?"

"Remember you had asked for......So then, the date is final. Please reach there on time, rest I'll tell you once we meet. Baba aani aai la bhetaila paije, nantar aapan goshti karuya"

E hooo.. I was going to meet her parents, his kid brother and few other friends who were there with us in the school. Her family members were quite unknown to me, but I thought it will be an easy session as she's going to be there with me.

Haah! you'd say I am so mean. Ek baaju mana kar raha hai doosri taraf ladki ke rishtedaaron se setting mein laga hai... Well, what's wrong in it. After all it was marriage time. Her family members had chosen a groom for her. The date was final. I remember meeting her mother when we were in school and her brother was in my younger sister's class. Her relatives can definately take a helping hand from me.

                                                                                 ---

So, it happened and it happened well. One fine day after the marriage we touched upon the topic where I had made this proposal to her. We laughed and laughed. Her husband joined in too. Oh by the way the name of the groom was Mr. Sachin Usgaokar.

In a way, my conscience saved me from loosing my friend. It made me realize the fact. Deep down I had a feeling. There is somebody else... It was about time I realized, WHO?

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Why is it that I can feel her only in my dreams - A new begining (Part-2)

Desert which deserts pepole, was no longer there. I was with the people who matter the most in my life. My partents and my sister. We all were meeting after 3 months straight. It was a relief that I was home. A new begining! No more nightmares about the past! No more phone calls that are argumentive! No more replies that do not suffice your partner's hunger for answers. What I thought would be a Thomas Crown affair was just another day in my life.

                                                                            ---

A new begining it was. I received a call from one of my friend about an opening with an organization which was known to me. It was over a week that I was at home relaxing day and night, hence I chose to give it a shot. I was all set for the interview. I was not at all worried. Never bothered what happened. I knew what ever I'd do I'll do well. And so it turned out that I was interviewing the selectors rather than they asking me questions. I concluded not to join the organization although it would have been a stop gap arrangement. Ek baar paisa kamana shuru karo to phir aadat ho jaati hai.

I was out of any dependency that would make me weaker against any situation. I didn't apply anywhere else. Why would I cause I knew deep in my heart that if something ends unexpectedly, something starts unexpectedly too. Lo and behold. The day came and I was asked to join my previous organization in my hometown. And without any hesitation I took the offer. Not because I was jobless, but because something was calling me. My passion towards that organization. My first love. This was the place from where I started my career. I'd call it, Almamater

I believe, coming back to Almamater was just a sign that things are going to change. A change for good. I was welcomed back by everyone. I met all those who got trained under me. They were more excited than me to find me back in Almamater.

                                                                           ---

Days were passing by, and I had been meeting new people in my hometown. They were new by face, race and pace. Ha ha and I was right there with a new face, in the race and with an extra pace. I always believe, if you "fail" at some point of time bounce back with extra power. No one would remember that you faltered. Life seemed to be in back on track. A new track...Untill that day!

I received a call from a friend. We were school friends and the last time we saw each other, 13 years had gone by. Never so close, suddenly we found each other to be the best pals around. Although not in the same town, we talked a million stars. Surprisingly we never talked so much even when we were in school. Yes, it happens sometimes. When there is a new begining, things seem to be new. All around the place. Hmmm... the vibes... the chats... the talks... all was having a different perspective.

When you interact for a longer time, you discover that the person on the other side has got somewhat similar experience with the life. She being a girl was bold enough to narrate the entire story to a person who was friend only though calls & chats. I should have felt sorry for her, but I didn't. Instead I developed compassion and care. I don't know how often it happens to others but it did happen to me.

                                                                          ---

I celebrated my birthday with the same old pals who were there in the begining. It was fun. We boozed and partied at our favourite desitnation which is somewhat 135 KMs away from here. Nobody was at content. We were laughing like wild beasts which eventually turned in roars. One of our pals struck the chord and topic of life partners and spouses errupted. I was doomed, being the youngest in the group. I had completed 25 years and these talli guys were asking me to get married..Sounds similar doesn't it.

I said,"Mein to pasand karbhi loon, mujhe bhi to koi pasand karna chahiye!".

"Kya baat kar raha hai, tujhe to koi problem nahi honi chahiye! Yea saala batayega nahi. Chhup ke shaadi kar lega aur phir ghar pe aake bolega.. Daada, yea dekho meri biwi!"

"Ha ha ha........" and the laughter continued

                                                                         ---

My mom was in ecstacy. She had received a marriage proposal for her 25 year old boy. But her ecstacy turned gloomy. I didn't mean to hurt her. But, I would not want to marry a person I didn't know. I'd rather fall in love again and then marry her. I told her the truth and she embraced me gracefully. She took me in her lap and a tear drop rolled on her cheek. I knew what she was thinking. We didn't talk much and I slept in her lap while she purred my hair.

That night I met my friend. I was meeting her after 12 long years. What happened when I met her?.. Here's the story http://eternalorchid.blogspot.com/2010/05/i-met-her-again-was-it-dream-or-reality.html. Read it on

I was feeling all charged up. A feeling that would always make me feel elated. I had read it somewhere,"If you see a person you like, in your dreams, you must be in love"... Hmmm....

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Why is it that I can feel her only in my dreams - Acceptance (Part-1)

It was the peak of Summer and wind was burning the epidermis to the core. I'was returning from the land of desert to my place where my parents lived. It was not a fun trip. I used to do the thing I loved as my profession, Training (which I still do by the way). Recession had taken its toll on everyone and I believe no one was left unaffected. People were getting jobless. The wind was too hot on me. I was recalling all that had happened over my tenure. It was an amazing experience. Yes, I was asked to leave although with no grudges, I accepted it. I knew I had done well. Well, beyond my expectations and that's what mattered me the most. I realized, that my power lies in accepting the way as they come and that moment onwards I stopped blaming others for what was happening to me. I am not being modest but that was a change that I managed within me.

                                                                        ---

A month before that I got another amazingly shocking news. The love of my life chose somebody over me. Well, that was just the begining. She had guts to call me up and I had no words to question her back. My acceptance acted again. I received a call from her fiance. It was summer. I was suffering the heat on my skin and now the heat was burning me from within. I am sure you'd cry out loud. Most of them do. So did I. But with a difference, couldn't roll on my tears. How could I? Acceptance was still there. I was with my best pals on a vacation. And I was glad no body noticed that. Nor did I tell this to anyone. What difference would that make?

I came out of the hotel room and called up my mom,

"Hello, Peli gaandi ni sagai thai gai chhe! Ene congrats kai deje!

 "Pan evu to kevi rite possible chhe?

"E je kai pan hoi ene phone kari ne kai deje, tara paase number to chhe j!" I hung up the call. You'd wonder who would call up mom and ask her to congratulate the girl who just ditched you. Well guess what, I did that. Why did I do that? She was more close to her than me, in a real sense.

                                                                            ---

I was driving while travelling through the desert. With all the thoughts that were running in my head, I suddenly realized that I was not alone. I was accompanied by a person. A friend of mine who has been around me for "donkey years". So then, I was driving and he was sitting next to me. He was talking, while I was thinking about what I had "lost" in past few days. And guess what, the topic slowly changed towards marriage. He told me that I should find a suitable girl and start thinking about settling down in life. He was not aware about what had happend a month back. I didn't even bother to tell him. I replied.

"Hmm, sounds like a wonderful idea. Mein to pasand karbhi loon, mujhe bhi koi pasand karna chahiye".

Believe it or not, but when I said this, my past experience evaporated and I was ready for a new begining. Since then, I've never thought of what had happened, untill today as I pen this down. You'd wonder why. Acceptance was the third traveller with us. Besides, I think this will act as a chapter in this storyline.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Wish to become!

"I wish to become a fighter pilot... don't know how but I wish to...

"I guess getting into sports would be fun... Maybe playing soccer is a great option... No, I guess cricket is the best

"I feel like I am on stage.... part of the greatest rock band on this earth

"Well this time its final... being a part of a team who developed Apollo 101 feels great

" Hey Rodney, the landing gears are not working... should we call the traffic control

"Well, friends It was wonderful training you all.... Hope you all enjoyed it

"I am left with only one key word to add, and then my character would be ready to be animated

"Wonderful, wonderful, bravo.. you just completed 100mts in 9 seconds... Its a world record

"Powerful is the word my friends... and if you wish you all can attain what you've thought...Serenity is divine

"How do these people manage to remember the dialog where there are hundreds of people watching them.

"Seems like the Lioness is about to prowl... I've set the shutter speed, the focal length is ....

"And cut..... excellent shot!

Phew! too much for an ambition. What should I choose what should I not? It would be hard if the thought of becoming all of these at once would pop up. Every child growing up has his / her list of ambitions and what one becomes, is a sheer stroke of what he decides, based on his experiences and inclinations towards certain profiles, while growing up. I don't remember anyone at the age of 4 saying he wanted to become a pilot, and he did. But there are people who have done what they wanted to do all their life.

Circumstances, the upbringing, the passion, the possibilities, the exposure, the inclination and niche.... leads to the a final goal in life. Now you are kidding. All these doesn't even contribute, a little less to what a person becomes ultimately. For me, it is wonderful!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day


For winds my gust,
For birds may fly,
A little bit of hello,
A small bit of hi,

The first of the kiss,
The best of the bliss,
The face with the glow,
We'll take it slow

I'll not even beg,
I'll not even ask,
I am what I am,
I don't wear a mask

For once I'd want
You to say Fine
I just want to ask
Will you be my Valentine?

Happy Valentine's Day

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Beyond Your Dreams !

Few months back I had a conversation with one of my friend...

"Hi"

"Hello, kya chal raha hai?" I got the reply

"Arey I heard that you moved around the city for some tattooing or something?"

"No no, I was searching for something else. So you getting tattoo and all, ah?"

"Ha ha.. yea I was planning to..."

"Good Yaar. You seem to be living your dream eh! Making films, travelling, getting a tattoo, cool chhe!"

"Ha ha true...very true. So do you know any tattoo parlor in the city?"

"Umm..." and the story continued...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was wondering whether my interest in whatever I am doing will last for life time. I was doing quite a few things that interested me the most. I love to create, rather than follow on what already exists. After all, there's no fun in doing whatever someone has already done it before. You can just improvise, but the credits would still remain in the name of the person who did it first. By saying so it doesn't mean that I am someone who is  hunting for credits, but the sense of ownership comes with the things that belong to you. Some of you might disagree. As if I care.

That conversation made me realize I was doing something unusual. Unusual, yes, very unusual. How many people do you find following their dreams. And then, how many people your find living their dream. They talk about the American Dream. What is American Dream? I might not have made my presence felt on AIR. I might not have traveled every nook and corner of this world. I might not have photographed every stone on this earth. But yes, I am very much clear now what I want from my life. I am very much sure what I would do with my life. If not now, maybe later. But definitely YES. I'd do what I want to do. And what do I want to do?

FILMs is all I can think about every moment of my life. Writing a story, making a script on it. Arranging for the properties required to shoot. Conversing with the fellow film makers to enhance the screenplay. Shooting the films for which I have been craving hard. Screening them just for the audience to watch. Following up on the critics and utilizing them constructively.

And yes, photographing the emotions and the moments is a part of what I call it as a dream. That is coming true day by day. Tattoing... of course is on the list... very soon guys very soon...

If only I would have been there...

You would have heard,What I wanted to say
You would have known,What I wanted today
You would have seen, What I wanted you to
You would have been, Where I wanted you to
You would have felt, What I felt in my heart
You would have welt, Which I have on my heart
If only you would have stayed with me......
If only you would have stayed with me......

I would have said, What you wanted to hear
I would have told, What you wanted to know
I would have shown, What you wanted to see
I  want you to go, Where you want to be
I would have felt, What you felt in your heart
I would have dealt, Not to be apart
If only I would have been there...
If only I would have been there...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Altered - Native

Today as I write this down, my heart is sinking for some unknown reason. Never felt it before, but a grudge, a silence, a stupid notion, an ambiguity, an uncertainty, an unexpected chill is running through the spine. My eyes have started brimming up and the heart beats have gone heavy enough to realize something unusual has happened or is about to happen. I just don't know What.


My thoughts are crucifying my feelings at every instance. I am yet to understand why such irregular behavior has got into me. Usually, I've been a person who loves to speak, loves to listen. I've never been in a situation where I am unable to find someone to speak with. Somehow, the listeners for me are no more around, or maybe, I am unable to see them. It must be due to the translucent view that I have against my eyes. Don't know Why.


There are good news and bad news and then there are news that are hard to judge, GOOD or BAD. Well good news generally lightens up the environment. But in my case I am not even moved or doesn't even feel like tapping a feet even once. Dilemma and Desperation, is something I am unable to justify. For the first time in my life I feel like I am at a cross road which has no exit. No direction, no indication. Intuitions are also not helping. Feel like getting out of this. I wonder When.


I've started blaming others for something or the other and sometimes with no evident reason. I have started refraining from others for an instance or the other. Does one person change the way you think, the way you behave? I've learnt things the way they came. Relationships was my forte. But now things are quite the opposite. Once full of fun have now nowhere to run. I was never like this. I suspect someone behind this. Need to find out Who.


It's true that things do not happen the way we want. And then things happen the way we don't even expect them to. Waving a simple Hi has become more tedious than fixing a shoe lace. Doing something for the sake of doing it has become a style of working. Neglecting an important person has become a wonderful obsession. Rude jesting is the new code of conduct. Apprehension has become the act of dignity. It's time I should change. Just don't know How.



Sunday, August 15, 2010

To My Heart

I have known, not so late,
Mean in mind, full of hate,
My heart you are bad,
You have lost the taste

Trust was what, once stayed in you,
Long lost love, can't find in you
Faces I've seen, Faces I've known
Faces that are, are quite unknown,

Wish u smile, wish you gain,
Wish no sorrow, wish no pain,
Heart, you are known, as full of love,
You are so pure, as one like dove,

Your grateful stride, keeps people alive
Peace n love , is what I strive
You are in pain, you are in cry
You are a disdain, you are left to die

People there are, who want you hard
You are like gem, for them like a shard
Then tell me what, you long so more
Gusto is over, now open the door

To my heart I say, U wait n watch
To my heart I tell, Its just a notch
For once in you, the flow will start
For once its true, I'm true to my heart

Monday, August 9, 2010

I hope it dwells no longer !

We are not talking as much as we used to. I've partially sorted it out. Maybe he keeps his grudges and I keep mine. For the reason that I've been a close observer to his behavior, it has surprised me many a times. Learning and Laughter has been my major interaction with him. I respect him as a member of my family. But I am unable to position myself the way I want to? I've tried my best and its still not enough. At times, I think : Is he a person with a trait who doesn't bother much after his need is over or he forgets the moments spent together? I am yet to get answer to these questions and even conclude whether the question is right!

Still, the question remains. Why have we started refraining ourselves from each other? Is it my perception or is it what I'm experiencing? I believe both of us are quite aware about the situation, yet we do not intend to even highlight it. Strange are the ways when we talk to each other. We often throw answers at each other even before the questions are asked. I do not feel good doing so as later on it fills me with regret.

He often says that I am a very good friend in his list and it sounds good when I hear it. But I am yet to feel it. Even after his strange attitude and behavior, I could never think ill about him. Sometimes I try to, but fail in doing so. Maybe that's my trait. I forgive and forget. Many a times, I feel bad about him not because the way we interact but the way he treats himself. He  illustrates certain ways which people do not expect from a person like him, including me. I wish he understands it soon.

I might be young to tell him all that but I wish him all peace and happiness. People ask me many a times as to how do I manage to be friends with him. All I do is just smile back. Honestly, I've no reasons why I do not want to be in bad terms with him. Maybe the corals do not blame the sea when the current is rough.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

I cannot promise - I do promise


I cannot promise you that I will not change,
I cannot promise you that I will not have many different moods,
I cannot promise you that I will not hurt your feelings sometimes
I cannot promise you that I  will not be erratic
I cannot promise you that I will always be strong
I cannot promise you that my faults will not show


But


I do promise you that I will always be supportive to you
I do promise you that I will share all my thoughts and feelings with you
I do promise you that I will give you freedom to be yourself
I do promise you that I will understand everything that you do
I do promise you that I will be completely honest with you
I do promise you that I will laugh and cry with you
I do promise you that I will help you achieve all your goals                                        


And above all, I'll be the hand  to wipe your tears when you cry 
and will become eyes that cry when your hand is hurt.